chronicles of young

"May God bless you with a restless discomfort about easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart. May God bless you with holy anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may tirelessly work for justice, freedom, and peace among all people. May God bless you with the gift of tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, or the loss of all that they cherish, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy. May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you really can make a difference in this world, so that you are able, with God’s grace, to do what others claim cannot be done." 不是莫名的感动，而是因 神而感动。The past 3 days at The Oikos have been nostalgic, somewhat convicting but more reminding of my vision. Especially when B. excitedly reminded me that we had first met on the streets when ...

"I hold all things loosely" has been a kind of new running joke ever since I used that phrase as a snarky comeback for being rightfully jibed for refusing to do an important work process. (Please do not learn this from me, it is not acceptable I admit. I am impulsively stubborn too, I admit.) There is definitely value in holding your job loosely though- probably why I score low on ambition in this work behaviour survey that I did for a professional development course. I feel like my 'ambition' is not the ambition as in wanting to progress in career goals (which I don't think I have if you are talking about the conventional sense of the term). Still, there are things to hold loosely and things to hold tightly. I had the thought to blog this morning when I got the goosebumps recalled what happened during VCF AGM this Monday. It struck me as very beautiful that the person was given the platform to make his speech via video, and that he shared his mental he...

又回到这个温暖优美的家。不是我的家不过好像在这短短的 4 天里有那么多美好的时光。不是纯纯快乐的，而是有时带伤感的。 过了一年，回到这个地方，看到自己不是以前的我。 I think I have become in a sense more emotional, more attuned to my own sorrows and even seeing it's beauty. Still like being alone to think and reflect, but I have come to express some of these reflections, because I have learnt that first ministry cannot be done alone and second that there are people who care passionately about the same things too. Hmm the pride is still there but the monster has taken on a different form. I used to not want to share both because of self-protection and the emotional pride: No one cares! Now that I am... So accomplished in the eyes of many, the pride distorts how I view myself. With such great blessing of various strengths comes that thorn in the flesh- and I was reminded again of His all sufficient grace. Power made perfect in weakness, and so let me boast about my weaknesses. Looking and hearing at the new Exco share about their reflections on ministry b...

And so. After exactly 24h from when I woke up yesterday, the work is done. Father, You have been so gracious to grant me the desires of my heart. When I have not always delighted myself in You. But still, You have given me such clarity of purpose, such strength, drive, such anointing of the Holy Spirit this semester. I guess that's why, in light of all these, 我要为自己别无所求. 不是不在乎，而是只要从神父手中领取. I am thankful: "Thesis is an individual research journey but I am triply blessed in this journey. My first supervisor, Dr Marcus Chiu, taught me to think more critically and pushed me to look beyond the superficial questions. What I'd thought was a straightforward research question became a conceptually fundamental one about human perception and behaviour. My second supervisor, Dr Choo Hyekeung, was ever so patient with my unprecise fluff and I owe much of my quantitative thinking and SPSS skills to her. I am also indebted to Mr Mohamed Naser, who made the research so much smoother and ea...

啊~ 又到了拜六，坐在上个礼拜坐的位置。  荣耀大君王， 欢迎你在我们中间。 你应许了我们，而且是远比我们敢想象或启求的。  真的是化腐朽为神奇，哈哈想到这是我的华文老师跟爸妈说她不能做的。你在我们里面成了奇迹，通过这些渺小胆怯的心灵动工。 好期待主日，Sunday School 后要和姐妹们 (haha literally; it's Mrs Yong and Dilys) 去吃韩国buffet :> 然后回家，静静地在主面前。又是一个充满福分的星期。  过后 | 贪吃记 在从小吃到大的咖啡店等爸妈，都说不饿。看到新开的中国拉面店，就叫了碗一起吃。妈妈说，没拿辣椒啊~ 我就去拿，不小心拿了一大把麻辣油，她竟然都搅进面里。惨了爸爸不吃了。  流了大把鼻涕，舌头麻到痛，不过吃到很爽： 走过香味肉干店，妈妈问，要吃豆沙饼吗？ 我说想吃旗子饼，那种没馅的。  啊！妈妈就走向我因为怕衅臭从来都没去过的店铺，那个五金店卖各种各样的饼干酥饼，看了很开心。两个贪吃婆好像眼看就满足了，没有旗子饼。又走到另一个店铺，那边暖暖的，因为她再磨花生，香味莫名令我快活。又是不同的粿，在那里终于有我们想吃的。Angku kueh <3 一边走一边吃的零食最好吃。咬一口，喂妈妈一口，一人一半感情不散。

Praise the LORD.  Forget not who He is, our Creator God and Abba Father, Who shows Himself faithful at every turn, Who weaves together strands in the tapestry of grace. Though my heart is shaken, it should not be moved, It's anchor held fast in firm assurance: our God reigns. O my soul, look to the Lord. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Selah Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion,  which cannot be shaken but endures forever (Psalm 125:1)  Return, my soul, to your sure Rest. He has chosen you to bear fruit that will last. Praise the LORD. I thank God for His providences and encouragement today. Had a hearty breakfast with whole-grain bread and cheese/kaya combo that I really liked, and reached school at 8.50am (wayyyy earlier than for 9am policy class which I am always slightly late for).  So I actually thought that Dr Irene Ng called me into her office to chide me about something (guilty conscience). B...

One benefit of being a student is that your time is sectioned nicely into semesters, and I am now midway into my final one in NUS. Kisah ada pahit, ada manis, tapi Tuhan membuat segala sesuatu indah pada waktunya (Pengkhotbah 3:11, TB). Wrapping up this week with intentional quiet reflection and self-examination. Our gracious God has reminded me about the 3 resolutions I had for 2017 . A broken hallelujah to You, my King. To be honest, when my uncle began his series of text messages that was sending the implicit message of me not caring enough for my family, I was (1) frustrated (2) indignant (3) prideful and resistant (4) almost hateful. I was like: What more do you want?! What more do you want from me, God? And, who are you to tell me what to do, can't you see I am doing good work? Aren't I already making the effort? (Doesn't help that I was already feeling quite shaken from something else and that uncle was being indirect) Even now I find it difficult to reply ...

I think I will have more thoughts after the Diversity Symposium but writing these down now when I have a pocket of time. Had a pretty good time at Diversity Fest- extrovert mode full on. (Afterward I blasted Chinese songs- 野子! JJ Lin! Jay Chou!- in the computer lab for some downtime) Should I be more dogmatic? That was a question I asked myself over a solitary lunch. Like to be more inclined to share about my faith and beliefs. Today was a good time, talking to different people. Really diversity. There was this girl from Yong Siew Toh (rare!), from China, and Muslim (even more rare). Then Indians who were Christian, one living Dubai. I really enjoyed conversing to them about their life experiences and beliefs :) though yeah, at the end if people asked how many people have I shared the gospel to I would say none. Perhaps that question is arising from a gross overemphasis on direct evangelism- which I almost recoil from. And that's why I get squeamish about anything that ha...

正有点不开心地折这些卡片， 我的阿爸走进我的房间。  手拿着药膏弯着腰，  说：你的脚怎么这样  要擦这个。  我说：用了 菱锌矿  阿爸说没用的是擦这个。  手指就把白白的膏涂在红红的蚊子叮上 脚伸出时想到了耶稣洗使徒的脚。  过后折的卡片，  一张张成为我给同学的祝福。    

Just wanted to remember today though I am super tired having been up for almost 19.5h since 6am. I am particularly thankful for Thursday Year 4s prayer gathering today- it was my turn to share which I forgot, but I did an impromptu one. Felt like I should share on koinonia (fellowship/community), and how we as a community of love and acceptance show Christ. And how we have not, instead being insular. And also, for Plumb. I think it is one of the best since my first Plumb with super nurturing Maria? I had this idea for reading a book about faith (apologetics, pastoral, whatever), and share with the Plumb. Super happy when people want to borrow my books to read. IFG topical was good also, reminded of how I take myself too seriously- in the sense of guarding my 'reputation'. Of which, really, is there really a reputation I should be cultivating? The sharings afterward were precious as well- people so different from us whom we are trying to love wholeheartedly with God'...

Oh dear I shouldn't have started on this have to leave within 6 minutes. But I just cannot help but express myself. The movie was breathtakingly beautiful, every single moment of it. My favorite quote is the movie punchline (spoilers alert!): Remember to notice the collateral beauty. I am writing due in part to the first SW prayer group that we just had. I felt like falling to my knees during sung worship that was such a beautiful joining of voices that gave this heart a glimpse of heaven again, and again when Revelations 4 was read. Oh my God, dear Abba, thank You for granting me the desires of my heart. I wanted for us to be a brighter light to the SW community, and today I see how it might happen. I see hope and passion in these faces gathered together in the Honours Room, sharing passionately about their vision for this season/semester. Indeed, You have not given us a spirit that makes us a slave again to fear, but a spirit of sonship. So much beauty felt and seen today, in t...

Mostly unedited comments from the play Disgraced by Ayad Akhtar, typed out during the post-play discussion: A turning in on yourself. Of realising that you are not who you are and yet you are who you are trying to hide yourself from. A part of yourself that you are secretly proud of if you dare to throw away the social norms and morality holding you back. The caricatures are so relevant because they connect to people in a not always explainable way. In some way we can see ourselves in these characters but yet there is a simultaneous rejection. The whole awakening to white privilege, to orientalism, to racial/religious profiling also seems to turn in on itself because it endorses a kind of stereotype also. So I guess at the same time the play is brilliant because it shoves the stereotypes up your face and declares SO WHAT F**K YOU (and I realise, maybe this curse word is a played out stereotype in itself). Because at the same time it is easy to draw causality rather than just obs...

To be completely honest, I didn't feel very much. In the sense of deep empathy and emotions. Perhaps that's why I am not seized by the urge to write down my experiences. Perhaps it is because it is 'nothing new' to me, having been in social work for 3 years now. I could even tell Bernice, 'I can almost predict the trajectory for Z., that he will go back to drugs again.' (Okay I recall a bit of emotion when I said that) But because I promised Abraham to send him reflections, I shall write stuff down. Thinking back at my own experiences throughout the two days and that of the few others that I heard from, I have been wondering,"What we have achieved?" We have these stories of people. Mostly their sorrows and challenges, but also their joys. What do we do with these stories? I realise that I have this strong, if not easily articulated conviction that we are all connected, each one of us. Don't think it is coincidence that I plucked out The Kingd...

It's 12.41am, and I am strangely awake. It's been a long day, starting with meeting the Utown peeps (and free breakfast yay!) at 8.30am which meant I had to wake up at 6. I realised I have been subconsciously thinking about this in recent months, but the words for it came only today when I was thinking about the Science and Engin peeps. Especially Science.They are going to provide refreshments for our first Fellowship Teaching- which is going to be about 100 people. And my first thought was: the chairs, especially J, are already so busy, why are they doing this? And so the conclusion: Love compels us to do things that do not make sense. To most of the world at least. An interesting thought presented by a speaker on Galatians 5:22, and shared to me by a friend. The original manuscripts were in Greek, which had no punctuation. So he thinks that instead of the current English translation, the original version renders: But the fruit of the Spirit is love: joy, peace, patien...

Partially blogging to calm the restlessness in my heart. It manifests in the form of checking my phone every 3 minutes and going on FB every 5. This is terrible man. Why is it there I wonder. I feel like I have a lot to share with different individuals and groups suddenly but I am trying to restrain myself. Is that why? Perhaps one main driving factor is to see who is on my side on things that I shared. xxx I already wanted to write about Brueggemann (henceforth Bman heh). He is really gold. I love how he is so incisive in such an artistic manner that I can both understand and appreciate. Reading Living Toward A Vision now and I can't begin to describe it. It's the feeling where there is something out there you had an inkling of in your heart but can't put a finger to, and someone comes and expresses it beautifully with a greater passion than you have. Thanking God for Bman and for people who introduced me to his writings every time I read. This chapter named ...

In all honesty I remembered being quite sian during the ExCo meeting when they decided that I should be the ex-officio for the freshmen orientation camp. At that point I was like gah, I need to go attend all their meetings and stuff. Today's QT reading really spoke to me- king Hezekiah's prayer after his illness and recovery in Isaiah 38. The themes of God not answering when you cry out, God being the one who afflicts, God working in ways so contrary to who He says He is, and a man's anguish at all this. "I waited patiently till dawn, but like a lion he broke all my bones; day and night you made an end of me" (v13) "But what can I say? He has spoken to me, and he himself has done this. I will walk humbly all my years because of this anguish of my soul. Lord, by such things men live; and my spirit finds life in them too." (v15-16a) "Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish" (v17a) There was a breakthrough during this c...

This moment I am getting the feels listening to Vivian Chan's song, sitting in a mess of a room. The room is snug especially with Bex's quiet and strong presence near me. My hair is wet and I catch whiffs of my shampoo as I type- every time I finish bathing I thank God because the feeling of having hot water after coming in from the cold is just awesome. The mattress that I am sitting on is so cosy and makes coming in to sleep each night pleasant. Especially after a night of talking with these dear brothers and sisters here- these lovely beautiful people with all their quirks and flaws, whom I have been learning so much from. Today was like sunshine. My morning time with the Bible was more fruitful than the previous days, and during the time of prayer subsequently, I was actually dialoguing with God rather than being distracted by other people praying. During lesson time I was cooking seasame oil chicken and stir-frying xiao bai cai for lunch as a representation of Sing...

It is 12.02am and I need to be awake in less than 5.5 hours' time. And I should probably be thinking practically what I have to do for my role as Outreach Coordinator so I can have something to share with my Exco and OCs working with me. Or the fact that I am going to meet NKF to talk about research for my Honours thesis this Friday. But no. I want to write about prayer, how it spoke to me today, even as I prayed. I was asked to pray to close after the segment on ministries in the residences. The significance of that prayer for me was the reaffirmation and genuine faith that God is omniscient, and having that vision on how it looks like for our ministry. We see things only as we are experiencing them (even history is socially constructed based on our own interpretations that is in turn influenced by our backgrounds/values/beliefs), and we don't even see them fully. We are so limited in our sight. Not knowing what lies ahead, I somehow also saw that God uses each of the people...

Nursing a quarter cup of cold milk to calm my gnawing stomach and hopefully I will sleep better later. Doesn't help that my heart is palpitating from both the caffeine and what God has placed upon me tonight. So. I have been elected into the 63rd Exco of NUS VCF, as Outreach Coordinator (OC). It is a position that is aligned to what I am passionate for and which I want VCF to grow more in. But all this is on hindsight. I shall retrace back to when something imperceptibly shifted, and detail it so that I can look back (Hi future Kang reading this) and remember that which will start me on this cray journey that has already begun. So I was praying for VCF AGM for sometime, fuzzy vague idea about who was being elected but just praying that the Exco will be united in love and grow the ministry. Yesterday as I was praying for AGM, I had this idea that I was going to be nominated as OC. My response was like Oh well, okay up to You God, while dismissing the thought because I am like ...

Today was in school at the unearthly hour of 7.45am, to start the first shift of Directions booth. Think it was the lack of sleep these past few days; I had a fleeting existential crisis when my Dad announced that it was time to wake up. So I was just there, thinking I will make the most of this long 'unproductive' time but not really expecting much. Had a pretty good time getting to know fellow VCFers and also! telling Nathene about my idea to get the whole CG to support a child through school + pray intentionally for him/her through Care Channels International. But the highlight was really engaging this freshie who needed to get somewhere for an interview. She was sweaty from walking (I think) and seemed rather flustered. Just really thankful that we had a good conversation during our 5 minutes walk to her destination, aside from the fact that I helped her in a tangible way. I'm not sure where it will lead (if it is even in my place to see where this will lead), bu...