chronicles of young

Hey!  I was thinking about adulting (lol yes I am not quite over the fact that I am an adult, and have to say that I am in my late-20s gah) over breakfast yesterday. And since it was your birthday, my thoughts as a birthday gift of sorts haha! Was just mulling how I got a bit anxious about wasted time cos I woke up at 12pm, and then it hit me that it was stemming from the belief that I need to make things work. Like somehow, as an adult, the stakes are higher- don't waste time cos if I do, I will lose out or the world will be a lesser place etc. Perhaps adulthood got a bit burdensome because it felt like the stakes/risks are progressively higher; and it is not okay to fail. Like, don't 'waste time' with this guy if you are not gonna marry him, or I've gotta make my PhD work else I'll be wasting my time. Or I've gotta care about this social issue because its my role as an adult who has the resources to help. Haha not sure if I'm making sense but anyway ...

I knew I had an asshole side of me but I'd almost forgotten until today. So nicely suppressed. In a sense I am thankful for that because it reminds me that 我是人。是肉体的人，同时也是神的子女。 And while I am grateful for whatever life experiences and personal dispositions that I have, which made me who I am- a quick thinker who grasps things quite fast, analytical (?), able to look at macro stuff- I also know this has made me impatient, prideful, inclined to bash my way through things I don't quite know because I can't stand being meticulous about going through step-by-step (ref SPSS). Legit ashamed of myself at project work today, impatient, silently judging my group mates (such an asshole right). Seriously, I need to learn more patience in order to build people up, to work together to get good things going, to love. Love is patient indeed. It has been a long day.Woke up somehow at 5.48am, decided to do a truncated QT for more time to look at my data. Very notably, it was Psalm 1...

One benefit of being a student is that your time is sectioned nicely into semesters, and I am now midway into my final one in NUS. Kisah ada pahit, ada manis, tapi Tuhan membuat segala sesuatu indah pada waktunya (Pengkhotbah 3:11, TB). Wrapping up this week with intentional quiet reflection and self-examination. Our gracious God has reminded me about the 3 resolutions I had for 2017 . A broken hallelujah to You, my King. To be honest, when my uncle began his series of text messages that was sending the implicit message of me not caring enough for my family, I was (1) frustrated (2) indignant (3) prideful and resistant (4) almost hateful. I was like: What more do you want?! What more do you want from me, God? And, who are you to tell me what to do, can't you see I am doing good work? Aren't I already making the effort? (Doesn't help that I was already feeling quite shaken from something else and that uncle was being indirect) Even now I find it difficult to reply ...

Saya tidak tahu betapa bangga saya. Saya kini boleh berdoa hanya, Tuhan menjaga keamanan, Holy Spirit be upon the very weak me dan membantu saya untuk merendah diri. Seperti Yesus, beliau seperti buah padi makin berisi makin rendah. Wow perkataan itu merendah. The actual bending/bowing down. Betul, biarlah saya merendah diri. To forget myself, this broken weak self. I need to admit that there was a lot of self involved. Pride- my greatest enemy how I hate it to its very core. Collateral beauty- in a sense saya mesti terima kasih kepada Tuhan kerana melalui situasi ini saya boleh memeriksa diri saya. Dan boleh merasa bagaimana kawan-kawan saya berasa tentang semua ini. Thank God that He has shown me how indeed all my good works are like filthy rags. I have been reflecting: Saya berjalan di sini, di situ- tetapi have I been running well? I can only give all praise to Abba who has taken these filthy rags by His grace, for His glory. Tengah hari ini tidak senang- bapa saudara imply...

Of grief and joy. "By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept when we remembered Zion." Psalm 137:1 NIV "Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever." Revelation 22:1‭-‬5 NIV 功夫不深,不过画的满开心的。 可以以画代字, 也是一种祝福。 One of my favorite hymns with added bridge.

I have been praying that I can cry everything (whatever that is) out for sometime. Since last Friday after I slept through the quarrel between Dragon and B. in the car and realised 我累了, I have been feeling like I need a whole day at home. Just to be at home and perhaps read, pray, or do nothing but look at the flowers on my table or the sun casting it's light on the opposite blocks. Somehow, today I did. Started my quiet time with hymns. At It is Well (Bethel), I teared, remembering how I sang it in Mongolia when I was dealing with stuffs. Reminded to be quiet and trust. The next song Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing was what opened the floodgates. "On that day, when freed from sinning, I shall see Thy lovely face // Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God" I was crying and crying because at that point my soul longed for His kingdom come so so much. And simultaneously, I heard from Him that there is redeeming work to be done here, now. I wa...

That was what I really wanted to do, many times this past few months of 2015. The last weekend of May I literally slept it away (Yes, that was the week I wrote my previous post which was brimming with passionate adrenaline). Fast forward to this weekend. Saturday Woke up at 7am to travel to Aljunied for Playmax 4 briefing. Got horribly lost even with Google Maps when walking through many Lorong Geylang Roads. But I was feeling inquisitive and didn't mind it one bit (except for the fact that I was running quite late). Walking through the roads with the temples, migrant worker hostels and jumbled mix of buildings, I felt like I was on an adventure. Hightailed back home to make onde onde, buoyed by the wonderful opportunity to fulfill Jesus' commission in such an exciting way. Life lessons from making onde onde : 1. The recipe looked so easy I cannot resist making it because onde onde is like the trademark of a domestic goddess; alas the too-easily-thrown-toget...

The theme of these past 4 days in Shang Hai. No coincidences with God; 1 Corinthians 8 was my QT reading as I held on to my luggage on the near-empty morning train. "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." Some thoughts before I knock out: 1. Was struggling with whether I should make this blog private or at least remove its link from my FB (which I had put in vain intentions in the first place).  2. But the purpose of this blog now is really to edify people- that my walk with God can encourage and spur other Christians on towards love and good deeds, and be a testimony to those who have yet to know Christ. 3. But but but, other than my dear friends Clemmy, Jas and Bennie if you know me personally and are reading this now please please don't discuss any of the blog's content with me. Thanks. (This is meant to be an absolute, non-negotiable request: please give my autonomous face) 4. Other than that, I am fine with being out in the open. Not ...

If time could turn back, would I still have done what I did? What would Jesus have done? These words have sunk deep into my heart. Said with that steady gaze. A tinge of bitterness? I couldn't even express how sorry I felt- the impact of what I (no, we) have done was looming over me. I sat outside with the piercing shouts of children, and it seemed too much to bear. Afterwards I tried to revert to childish thinking- heck, I'm only 20! I shouldn't be doing these things. Steel yourself. Steel yourself. I need to read the Word. Romans 8. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I down the comforting milk tea together with Romans 8, trying to claim the promises. Remembered how Betsie thanked God for the fleas in that wretched concentration camp. Thank God for this failure also, may I be open-handed toward You. Afterwards: Thank God that I recall how it is not totally my...