chronicles of young

What a blessing to be able to hold all things loosely, even my very life. Though of course as stoic/ faith-full as I seem, doubts and lingering fears will probably stay with me throughout my life. Am I fully convinced of my eternal glorious life in heaven? Honestly, no. Yet I have enough faith and experience with God to know that Abba Father will bring me home, by grace. Thinking about death more recently as I prepare heart and mind to head to Nagaland. There is a risk to every adventure undertaken with God, yet how fun and joyful each one is with the Spirit's leading :) Putting this hymn here as a reminder- the trip will be definitely challenging and stretch my patience, love and everything nice (LOL). Yet God remains our common vision and on this foundation we stand together. Heart of my heart, whatever befall, still be my vision O Ruler of all. \\ What if I really die? Be still, child. I the LORD will bring you home and take care of the things back here.

Bethel. Who would have expected that God will draw a song out of me? Keeping a memory of it raw, as it is. Such is the creative action from the Creator, reflected in me the created. Indeed, the glory of God is man fully alive (Irenaeus).  The wind blows where it pleases, The Spirit breezes, teases, kisses, Leads us to a place of rest and resting. Just resting, in God. In God, the Father. The wind blows where it pleases,  The Spirit leads us to places, With rest and abounding graces. We bring, we bring,  A wind of peace. We bring, we bring, A breath of life. The Spirit breezes, teases, kisses, And people come, and people come, Together, as one. The wind blows where it pleases. Dreams. They surface again when I clear my mind junk field. A downloading from the Spirit? I envision a space where people come to enjoy coffee or quaint teas, have a slow meal. Sit at the window seat, with sunlight filtering through, watch the du...

Random thought bubbles in my head:  Through Kairos I realised that diversity in unity really excites me. I love how God's mission is for all ethnos, to bring out the beauty of each culture as they turn to worship Him. Drawing from the last session of Kairos, to illustrate my future in light of the Kairos experience: Hmm but at the same time I feel like I have romanticised diversity- thinking about how it was hard for me to really recognise and affirm the different strengths of people I am working with. It was really great to interact with people who are not Chinese, not Christian for this week (i.e. different from me). It's refreshing in a way to hear different views about things, to be challenged in my views, and observe a different way of seeing things from the other person's shoes. Below is the drawing of my favorite place, done when we did group Interactive Drawing Therapy. Does that mean I can be comfortable anywhere as long I can have a nice bubble and ...

Dreams verbalised to and encouraged by different friends. Vague as they are- do I even know what I am talking about? "Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NLT) 一步一步要凭着信心走 - 求神扩大我的心。 "A bruised reed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; he will not falter or be discouraged until he establishes justice on earth. In his law the islands will put their hope."   Isaiah 42:3-4 (NIV)

Dear Mongolia, May I bless you. I cannot yet do that with my skills and I cannot speak your language, but more importantly I cannot see beyond even the next hour (thinking what am I going to do for this morning at work lol). 将来的事，除了耶和华，谁能测度？ Yet the skills and experiences that I acquire, the people that I meet, I know they are leading me on. Where, I do not know, but God knows. Maybe I will bless you from afar. I really love your horses, yaks, cows and sheep, and the grandeur of the vast nature out there. (Sometimes more than your people, I confess) My heart sinks when I think about how the nomads are suffering because of the dzuds ("severe winters made worse by preceding droughts), and so many are flocking to the UB capital but face other kinds of hardships. But perhaps, in that city that has become so familiar and dear, there will be a brighter light found among the city lights, that does not cease shining, especially in the darkest night. Dear Mongolia, I guess ...

In the Altai Mountains, Bayan-Ulgii, Mongolia I don't know why, these past 2 weeks have been filled with so much emotional thinking, which translated to a compulsion to create content. The mountains. There is a felt heartache as I look at pictures of them. I long to be in the mountains again. Why though, I was asking myself. I am a city girl who failed her physical fitness test because she lacked the stamina to complete the 2.4km run. But the mountains, they stir in me a sense of quiet, almost-sad joy and a feeling of connectedness. In the mountains, I find that I rather be alone or not talk. There is a sense of theophany perhaps. Shepherding the yaks In my second time in Mongolia, I hiked through the forest of trees and settled on a plateau. There are no photos of the mountains I saw because I had intentionally left my handphone behind. I sat there, alone, for maybe a hour. Just singing hymns, gazing out at the mountains and letting my heart be filled. So so tha...

This moment I am getting the feels listening to Vivian Chan's song, sitting in a mess of a room. The room is snug especially with Bex's quiet and strong presence near me. My hair is wet and I catch whiffs of my shampoo as I type- every time I finish bathing I thank God because the feeling of having hot water after coming in from the cold is just awesome. The mattress that I am sitting on is so cosy and makes coming in to sleep each night pleasant. Especially after a night of talking with these dear brothers and sisters here- these lovely beautiful people with all their quirks and flaws, whom I have been learning so much from. Today was like sunshine. My morning time with the Bible was more fruitful than the previous days, and during the time of prayer subsequently, I was actually dialoguing with God rather than being distracted by other people praying. During lesson time I was cooking seasame oil chicken and stir-frying xiao bai cai for lunch as a representation of Sing...

Nursing a quarter cup of cold milk to calm my gnawing stomach and hopefully I will sleep better later. Doesn't help that my heart is palpitating from both the caffeine and what God has placed upon me tonight. So. I have been elected into the 63rd Exco of NUS VCF, as Outreach Coordinator (OC). It is a position that is aligned to what I am passionate for and which I want VCF to grow more in. But all this is on hindsight. I shall retrace back to when something imperceptibly shifted, and detail it so that I can look back (Hi future Kang reading this) and remember that which will start me on this cray journey that has already begun. So I was praying for VCF AGM for sometime, fuzzy vague idea about who was being elected but just praying that the Exco will be united in love and grow the ministry. Yesterday as I was praying for AGM, I had this idea that I was going to be nominated as OC. My response was like Oh well, okay up to You God, while dismissing the thought because I am like ...

I never really liked Joy from Inside Out, as perky as she was all the time. Maybe precisely because she is perky no matter what. Having to do a programme with Inside Out as the theme, I had analyse and rewatch the movie scenes. The identification sometimes hit too close. The part where Riley finds that things between Meg and her have changed, where Goofy Island crumbled, where Friendship Island crumbled. It was quite ironic, because a main part of the programme was teaching the siblings of special needs children to think positively. Thoughts,feelings and behaviours are interconnected and affect each other. I can choose to think positive thoughts which can change the way I feel about a situation. And there I was, like Riley. Where is the joy? It was a daily question I had to consciously answer when I woke up in the morning. An almost-bitter chew but left a sweet aftertaste that lasted. This (short, now that I reflect on hindsight) period of wretchedness is good for me. I don't know ...

Today was in school at the unearthly hour of 7.45am, to start the first shift of Directions booth. Think it was the lack of sleep these past few days; I had a fleeting existential crisis when my Dad announced that it was time to wake up. So I was just there, thinking I will make the most of this long 'unproductive' time but not really expecting much. Had a pretty good time getting to know fellow VCFers and also! telling Nathene about my idea to get the whole CG to support a child through school + pray intentionally for him/her through Care Channels International. But the highlight was really engaging this freshie who needed to get somewhere for an interview. She was sweaty from walking (I think) and seemed rather flustered. Just really thankful that we had a good conversation during our 5 minutes walk to her destination, aside from the fact that I helped her in a tangible way. I'm not sure where it will lead (if it is even in my place to see where this will lead), bu...