chronicles of young

“Each day, we wake slightly altered, and the person we were yesterday is dead. So why, one could say, be afraid of death, when death comes all the time?” - John Updike Particularly struck by this. So true for me, for as I wake, it is with vestiges of yesterday that influences my feelings about today and yet the self has been changed by what was. Before today is done, want to do a short post to remember today. Nothing spectacular, just another ordinary day. Well, I had my final paper for year 3, and that marks the end of this semester which somehow feels special because it is the semester after exchange where I have been altered so much. And my year 4 friends have graduated and that will be me in one year's time. Ambivalent feels. Anyway. I was just praying this morning and getting distracted while studying thinking that after the paper I will let God lead me to wherever/whomever. But obviously because it is the norm to go out and celebrate the end of the semester with friends...

View from my favorite CLB corner seat ""Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless." What does a man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun?" (Ecclesiastes 1:2b-3, NIV) As I was about to type how I woke up with this hollowed feeling, I remembered that this is not new. Old question recently surfaced: What am I doing? Like really, what am I achieving? I don't want to create a system of redemption for myself by rushing to do stuff and making myself needed. Which I know I cannot without God anyway. This season is really one of humility (I sincerely hope it is) and praying. More observable is the focus on relationships- family and friends. Yet there's this huge part. I am insecure. And when that happens, sometimes I don't know if I am meeting my own needs or others. (Wow I didn't expect this to come out. I was just going to type about living ordinary days.) But yes, that's part of an ordinary day. To daily ask for gr...