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Maranatha

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  This hymn brought tears to my eyes as we sang it in church this morning... The plaintive tune and lyrics brought to mind the many Christians waiting, seeking, praying (or faint from praying), for peace and justice for themselves and their homeland. Sigh.. Come Lord Jesus.  There are no words, just sighs and groans at the horrors I read/know a fraction of in the news and on social media.  As I read about ("yet another") natural disaster- "worst flood in a century in Somalia", the death toll, the reason (El Nino)- my heart naturally 'seizes up' a bit to shore myself from getting too affected. Yet Lord, yet Kang, aren't each 1 behind the number that added to the death toll and the people displaced from their homes, an eternal soul? It is all too easy to get hypocritical and think to myself: "I care quite a bit already". Thank You Spirit for putting in my heart this thought: We in Singapore may feel protected from all these, but its not if but wh

Inner Child Memories

Inspired by watching Tam Wai Jia's reels- honestly really inspired and also a little envious. Kind of like 'having it all', but I know I am just focusing on the processed pieces that she shared and not the sufferings/trials she had been through to arrive at these pieces. The truth is, God has also given me pearls that are used to bless others and glorify Him through my life experiences. I felt a quiet welling of tears when I took in the reels about how she processed with her children. And her reminding that if we didn't have this safe emotional space as a kid, we can heal and change the pattern 💛 Providentially, I had also been thinking about my inner child since an IG post about it .   So even though its work hours, I want to give myself the time and space to write things down to process. Knowing that I have mostly followed the pattern of pushing past my emotions to achieve goals, after which I may lose passion or sight of what I really want. (Thinking back on my

PhD rant

Uninhibited bitching about my internal examiners especially the chair lol. Idk if this is gonna make me feel better and I also want to qualify that I do see validity in their points (some of them). Yesterday I made a memo about seeing their comments as invaluable in improving my work and that I can use them to grow professionally in how to take feedback constructively... But today I am feeling indignant again as I try to work on their comments.  Ask me how I feel after the viva, I feel disappointment, weariness, even shame. These feelings were all masked by my tiredness from not having enough physical rest, and also the positive aspect that was well-meaningly emphasised.  But gosh. Thinking back about how the two internal examiners reacted to my responses to their incessant drilling made me feel so shameful and unworthy, and now I feel very angry toward them. Especially when I try to work on their comments, and I feel like HELLO I have already put some of these points down, did you not

The Last Summer.. Again

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 I called the phase of my life after undergrad was officially over and before I officially started work, The Last Summer. It was, and still is, one of the best times of my life. Facebook has been reminding me through photos from 6 years ago.  6 years on... its this in-between period again. Similarities, but HUGE differences. It isn't the same when you are adulting. Yet at the core of it, I guess things stay the same, even though there are things the world tells me like I need to think about my career development etc.  1. My values stay the same- Fixing my eyes on Christ, imperfectly, but always finding it back to His guiding light 2. My dreams are still important and valid- haha actually this is what prompted me to post here after so long- I really love this song lyrics and the story behind it. The self-doubt, the denial, the tussle within yourself, and the breakthrough to find actualisation.  3. Learning, learning about navigating and cultivating relationships, both personal and w