chronicles of young

Inspired by watching Tam Wai Jia's reels- honestly really inspired and also a little envious. Kind of like 'having it all', but I know I am just focusing on the processed pieces that she shared and not the sufferings/trials she had been through to arrive at these pieces. The truth is, God has also given me pearls that are used to bless others and glorify Him through my life experiences. I felt a quiet welling of tears when I took in the reels about how she processed with her children. And her reminding that if we didn't have this safe emotional space as a kid, we can heal and change the pattern 💛 Providentially, I had also been thinking about my inner child since an IG post about it .   So even though its work hours, I want to give myself the time and space to write things down to process. Knowing that I have mostly followed the pattern of pushing past my emotions to achieve goals, after which I may lose passion or sight of what I really want. (Thinking back on my...

在飞云之下 我看着海峡 走月光沙滩 我也承认我还是会想他 且慢 前面听说风很大 在飞云之下 以为忘了的家 在耳里说话 叫我别烦心那些痛与怕 喔 半路上的我 穿上回忆和风沙 I was 30 mins late for work because I lost track of time venting through the pastels btw. There is really that delinquent side of me that screams F**K THIS ALL!!! some times. Yet, even as I started on this and reflected on how much better I felt- I could hear Mr Rogers' fatherly voice saying: Only you know how you are feeling and what you are thinking. You can talk about your feelings to people you love. 前面风很大，还没有比我的 神大。 23 Sep It would be a lie to say that I am good. My soul is affected by these happenings, though I am surprised that I am surprised at how these could ever happen. I broke on Monday when the sheer yearning for God's perfected kingdom combined with the deep realisation of how broken I am, how broken the team is, how broken the organisation is. That was a good beautiful kind of brokenness I guess. More often than not, the hardness of heart and pride wraps up the G...

(This is in reference to the lovely story mentioned in the previous post, really thank God for this 'leaf')   Just wanted to remember a day like this. Started off the day feeling a little cranky due to lack of sleep and physical exertion from the yesterday's Urban Hike. By the time I made it out of TJ office after an intense meeting around 1pm, my body was protesting. So when I was back at my office I just kept putting off planning for the counseling session at 4.30pm. At slightly after 4pm, I was slumped on my chair holding the case file in my hands and asking myself what should I do with this boy (lol haha I am not a good representation of a counselor). Asked God also, my supervisor too. Literally went up to him and said "I don't know what to do for my session later" Wise wise supervisor, he replied "Ask him what he wants to do. "But, he will just say he wants to go home." "Then ask him what he wants to do at home." Anyway,...

In the Altai Mountains, Bayan-Ulgii, Mongolia I don't know why, these past 2 weeks have been filled with so much emotional thinking, which translated to a compulsion to create content. The mountains. There is a felt heartache as I look at pictures of them. I long to be in the mountains again. Why though, I was asking myself. I am a city girl who failed her physical fitness test because she lacked the stamina to complete the 2.4km run. But the mountains, they stir in me a sense of quiet, almost-sad joy and a feeling of connectedness. In the mountains, I find that I rather be alone or not talk. There is a sense of theophany perhaps. Shepherding the yaks In my second time in Mongolia, I hiked through the forest of trees and settled on a plateau. There are no photos of the mountains I saw because I had intentionally left my handphone behind. I sat there, alone, for maybe a hour. Just singing hymns, gazing out at the mountains and letting my heart be filled. So so tha...

An irrational number | I wonder when that memory on the bus became significant. Like the never-ending decimal representations, peering into that blip of time that has accrued layers of meanings over time I emerge with a thread with an end that only God knows.  There are still new digits being computed for pi. Pi is not mysterious but is known, yet that depth I do not yet (?) have. It was so hard to write those lines. Sometimes I would put my face super close to the mirror, and it becomes a stranger to me.