chronicles of young

 Coming back to CoY (288 posts over about 15 years!), I just realised that this platform has taken me through my pimply adolescence through to arrive at adulthood. Where there is a growing realisation and acceptance that life is probably always gonna be tough and God has meant for that on this side of heaven.  I feel now though, an immense gratitude at how life turned out for me. Though the Author's pen is continuing to write the narrative, the chapters that have unfolded so far and how the story is (seems to be) going has me looking forward to the future.  My cup has the verse: "She looks forward to the future with joy." (Proverbs 31:25) The verse comes from the well-known passage on the "virtuous wife", but is more about the beauty of Wisdom.  I'm reflecting on a nudge to welcome another one to live in our home. That as I have called it Meno, to abide , as a vision for our home, that those who need nurturing and to be fed by God can come. It challenges my ...

"Inilah perkerjaan yang dikehendaki Allah iaitu supaya kamu percaya kepada Dia yang diutus-Nya." Yahya 6:29 Started off 2019 sick (from the 2 back-to-back camps in the last week of 2018), and unsure of where I'm heading in life for the new year. Of course, one can say that years, weeks and months are human constructs. I believe God has given us the gift of different seasons so that we can be refreshed and renewed- in vision and direction. This can be seen in nature anyway. The picture above is going to be an anchor for 2019- to follow Jesus in saying "I do nothing of my own will, but do the will of the Father." (John 6:38) I sense this year is going to have quite a bit of sacrifices- was that why God spoke much more clearly?- and yet, there is excitement and anticipation in this apprehension.

I have been realising more and more how much the kindergarten Sunday School has taught me about faith and being. And as I intentionally have some quiet time with God, He linked all these together: "People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “ Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms,placed his hands on them and blessed them."  Mark 10:13-16 (NIV) This is a very dear bit of what Jesus said to me because in that few sentences He reminds me that the Father's world does not give a heck about attainment or prestige, but loves the seemingly weak and useless.  Throwback to today when I taught 2 active boys about physical and emotional ...

Bethel. Who would have expected that God will draw a song out of me? Keeping a memory of it raw, as it is. Such is the creative action from the Creator, reflected in me the created. Indeed, the glory of God is man fully alive (Irenaeus).  The wind blows where it pleases, The Spirit breezes, teases, kisses, Leads us to a place of rest and resting. Just resting, in God. In God, the Father. The wind blows where it pleases,  The Spirit leads us to places, With rest and abounding graces. We bring, we bring,  A wind of peace. We bring, we bring, A breath of life. The Spirit breezes, teases, kisses, And people come, and people come, Together, as one. The wind blows where it pleases. Dreams. They surface again when I clear my mind junk field. A downloading from the Spirit? I envision a space where people come to enjoy coffee or quaint teas, have a slow meal. Sit at the window seat, with sunlight filtering through, watch the du...

Maybe I write this post as a mini self rebuke, maybe an act of subtle self-glorification. "A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fools' eyes wander to the ends of the earth." Proverbs 17:24 Feels like straight in the heart rebuke when I read it this morning.  Dear Mum and Dad, family and friends: I am both sorry and not sorry. Which in effect is not sorry at all. And I am, in my better self, sorry for that. Sorry that I don't really care about the great mess in my room nor the fact that I probably lost my identity card. It really doesn't matter at the end of it, like I said to the utter dismay of my friends in response to the possibility of missing our flight back to Singapore.  After awhile, it kinda sucks being seen as crazy/foolish/needing to be restrained. Of course, there is truth in it. (No, I shall not be tempted into emotional pride and feel like it's me against the world) Yet I hope that some of this other-worldliness is a v...

Over breakfast with Dad, I got angry thinking about 大伯. There is still much unforgiveness and disdain for me I know it. On Saturday at the crematorium I was really trying hard to look at him full-on because I found that it was so hard to look at him with love. So, I want to dispel any notions of romanticism in love within me. I still have this fuzzy-warm notions; which are not entirely unrealistic but they are sweet interruptions in the long journey of loving rather than love's characteristic. The very same Kang that discussed and affirmed that it is the church who extends scandalous grace to peoples that society will not and cannot care for, cannot have this thin definition of love. 不是讨人爱的才爱，爱是在那所谓不值得爱的最赤热. Perhaps for the love-er, this is a hard-won love. Further, it is not from ourselves, like we have this lov...

It was just 30 cents but I was so proud to be my Daddy's daughter <3 The girl in front of us was going to not buy the bananas because she didn't have enough money, so my Dad topped up for her :') Just today I was thinking about how my parents have brought us up to be so socially conscious- my mum and I laughed at this bawling kid yesterday, and she shared that we have never made a scene in public like this because there will be severe repercussions. That's right I approve, give no chance. That's why I'm among the stricter teachers in Sunday School. At the same time I thought: Then the experience of grace has worn away the accumulated layers of 恥 ( haji /shame).  Various disparate thoughts. No point trying to weave a common narrative thread. I love how I can still be a kid in my parents' eyes, even as I share some of the family burdens as a young adult now. Sometimes I will just call my mum/dad for no reason, I can still playfully fistbump my dad...

One benefit of being a student is that your time is sectioned nicely into semesters, and I am now midway into my final one in NUS. Kisah ada pahit, ada manis, tapi Tuhan membuat segala sesuatu indah pada waktunya (Pengkhotbah 3:11, TB). Wrapping up this week with intentional quiet reflection and self-examination. Our gracious God has reminded me about the 3 resolutions I had for 2017 . A broken hallelujah to You, my King. To be honest, when my uncle began his series of text messages that was sending the implicit message of me not caring enough for my family, I was (1) frustrated (2) indignant (3) prideful and resistant (4) almost hateful. I was like: What more do you want?! What more do you want from me, God? And, who are you to tell me what to do, can't you see I am doing good work? Aren't I already making the effort? (Doesn't help that I was already feeling quite shaken from something else and that uncle was being indirect) Even now I find it difficult to reply ...

Saya tidak tahu betapa bangga saya. Saya kini boleh berdoa hanya, Tuhan menjaga keamanan, Holy Spirit be upon the very weak me dan membantu saya untuk merendah diri. Seperti Yesus, beliau seperti buah padi makin berisi makin rendah. Wow perkataan itu merendah. The actual bending/bowing down. Betul, biarlah saya merendah diri. To forget myself, this broken weak self. I need to admit that there was a lot of self involved. Pride- my greatest enemy how I hate it to its very core. Collateral beauty- in a sense saya mesti terima kasih kepada Tuhan kerana melalui situasi ini saya boleh memeriksa diri saya. Dan boleh merasa bagaimana kawan-kawan saya berasa tentang semua ini. Thank God that He has shown me how indeed all my good works are like filthy rags. I have been reflecting: Saya berjalan di sini, di situ- tetapi have I been running well? I can only give all praise to Abba who has taken these filthy rags by His grace, for His glory. Tengah hari ini tidak senang- bapa saudara imply...

正有点不开心地折这些卡片， 我的阿爸走进我的房间。  手拿着药膏弯着腰，  说：你的脚怎么这样  要擦这个。  我说：用了 菱锌矿  阿爸说没用的是擦这个。  手指就把白白的膏涂在红红的蚊子叮上 脚伸出时想到了耶稣洗使徒的脚。  过后折的卡片，  一张张成为我给同学的祝福。