chronicles of young

A bike is also youth Ke mana? Stop where? Beams of glee To be at safe distance Absorbing Vit D Albeit with some dissonance (The Shoppes is empty and Aunty is masked up) It is sad beautiful Such lovely yellow Amidst this They will come again next year, yes He went into the sea Is he bathing Or is he swimming? The best of times The worst of times

Still spiteful. The kernel of bitterness, resentment and self-pity burst open this morning and I was one with the pouring rain. I felt like Orual, holding that small, tattered book filled with complaints. Is that how laments actually feel like? Such deep measure of grief tore through me that the loud sounds proceeding forth were so strange, yet that was my real voice. Are we not one, made to live in harmony? I have already forgotten what it was like when the family was truly four. A gentle answer turns away wrath, as the proverb goes. Not much of that from me. The grief was poisoned till the torrents cleared away the layers hiding the resentment I guess. Still hard to love. Almost like I don't know how to, for him anymore. Oh, Brother. Why can't you be like other brothers? I want to love you, Brother. You know we love you, Brother.

Praise the LORD.  Forget not who He is, our Creator God and Abba Father, Who shows Himself faithful at every turn, Who weaves together strands in the tapestry of grace. Though my heart is shaken, it should not be moved, It's anchor held fast in firm assurance: our God reigns. O my soul, look to the Lord. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Selah Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion,  which cannot be shaken but endures forever (Psalm 125:1)  Return, my soul, to your sure Rest. He has chosen you to bear fruit that will last. Praise the LORD. I thank God for His providences and encouragement today. Had a hearty breakfast with whole-grain bread and cheese/kaya combo that I really liked, and reached school at 8.50am (wayyyy earlier than for 9am policy class which I am always slightly late for).  So I actually thought that Dr Irene Ng called me into her office to chide me about something (guilty conscience). B...

Jaslyn started taking selfies when she was backpacking solo across Europe during her student exchange in Amsterdam. The permutations of facial expressions were endless against the backgrounds of cathedrals, stunning lakes and quaint buildings. She also developed the habit of scrolling through her photo album, staring into her face and figuring out what exactly she was thinking or feeling when she took that selfie. Jaslyn became quite obsessed with this activity, trying to figure herself out through those selfies. Surely those solo travels are a process of self-discovery, and the beautiful sights inspire a kind of beauty? Yet the closer she stared at those selfies, the more strange she felt to herself. It was the same when she put her face close to the mirror till even the carefully concealed blemishes became apparent. There was this prickly discomfort the more she did so, and that made her try even harder to get that perfect selfie. innisfree, Etude House, Majolica Majorca. Jas...

It is 12.02am and I need to be awake in less than 5.5 hours' time. And I should probably be thinking practically what I have to do for my role as Outreach Coordinator so I can have something to share with my Exco and OCs working with me. Or the fact that I am going to meet NKF to talk about research for my Honours thesis this Friday. But no. I want to write about prayer, how it spoke to me today, even as I prayed. I was asked to pray to close after the segment on ministries in the residences. The significance of that prayer for me was the reaffirmation and genuine faith that God is omniscient, and having that vision on how it looks like for our ministry. We see things only as we are experiencing them (even history is socially constructed based on our own interpretations that is in turn influenced by our backgrounds/values/beliefs), and we don't even see them fully. We are so limited in our sight. Not knowing what lies ahead, I somehow also saw that God uses each of the people...

How am I different now from the Kang in Singapore? Fresh from the trip of a lifetime in Mongolia and intentionally being still and think this chilly Sunday, I might have an answer. That is to laugh.  To let myself laugh, in spite of everything that has happen, is happening and will happen.  Was generally a serious kid and then I got into social work which I love. But guess because of this tender heart, the judging area of my frontal lobe worked harder while my jovial side of the brain was intentionally unstimulated. A model I'd emulate is the leadership in Island Baptist Church. There are pressing ministry needs, trouble, and perplexity. Yet each Sunday in church I was sure to have a few good laughs- they could find always find something to laugh at. To laugh at myself. Simple as that. To laugh unabashedly. Guess I am hesitant to really laugh because it is an open expression which makes me feel vulnerable sometimes. But I observed that this true laugh...

It's been a filled week- and now winding down, preparing for Sunday, I am in a contemplative mood. Against the strains of Coldplay I pause and have no words to describe my experience. Ah wait I have- existential psychology. My Mitwelt and Eigenwelt - interrelationships and my relationship with myself- seems to be coming together in a more congruent way. I realised something in myself which affects how I relate to people and vice versa, but the links are not clear yet: Shame A memory often revisited and pondered over: I was wearing a thick jumper (probably ugly), holding my Mum's hand as we walked to kindergarten where I would be brought to Snow City later on. I can hear. A child can hear "Why is she wearing such thick clothes in such a hot weather?" I don't know why this memory is associated with shame for me. I know that I feel shame for myself and my parents. Coming to awareness of this and acknowledging this shame has really helped me to be more ...