chronicles of young

"Hevel, hevel, everything is utterly hevel" - book of Ecclesiastes Hevel is a Hebrew word which refers to vapor or smoke, rendering it in this context the dual meanings of ephemeral and a mystery/paradox. Questioning the meaninglessness of things, yet wanting 'real purpose' for my life, I went to the book of Ecclesiastes. The above has been in Draft mode since early December 2019, and now it is 2020. With much trepidation and an unusual amount of dread, I face the future of 2020. I guess that is made worse by the slew of Instagram posts welcoming 2020 but that is a separate issue about social comparison. Yet today's meetup with the Exco girls though filled with pregnant silences at times when we sit (I think) in our own musings about our lives, was soul-strengthening in a way, and I am reminded of the beauty of fellowship- grace that holds me fast 'amidst life's fearful path'. I am grateful for vision to be lifted, for validation in a way. Tha...

Words: Michael Perry, sung to the tune of THAXTED "O God beyond all praising, we worship you today and sing the love amazing that songs cannot repay; for we can only wonder at every gift you send, at blessings without number and mercies without end. We lift our hearts before you and wait upon your Word, we honor and adore you, our great and mighty Lord. The flower of earthly splendor in time must surely die, its fragile bloom surrender to you, the Lord most high; but hidden from all nature the eternal seed is sown - though small in mortal stature, to heaven's garden grown: for Christ, your gift from heaven, from death has set us free, and we through him are given the final victory. Then hear, O gracious Savior, accept the love we bring, that we who know your favor may serve you as our King; and whether our tomorrows be filled with good or ill, we'll triumph through our sorrows and rise to bless you still: to marvel at your beauty and gl...

This week has been one of tensed shoulders, little sleep, anxiety, distressing thoughts at whether I might be developing anxiety issues or being able to cope with the year ahead or how people will see me or whether I am going to do anything worthwhile. Standing at the edge of it on the other side, I want to look back and remember. Sorry if this post quite hard to read because I am actually going to finish this up asap so that I can spend more time alone with God. (Perhaps that is also one reason for the anxiety- I am a worrier I realised, needing to make sure I am things ahead in control) I get quite distressed reading the news. I want to move on, but at the same time I cannot because these are lives. The 80000 Mexicans that died through the violent drug wars are lives.I think, they are probably not saved. And so I cry out... and I feel like there's so much to do but I am so weak. Even prayer and intercession, I struggle with that for these people I read in the news. So I am fe...