chronicles of young

 "As you read this, I hope you will understand that when I speak of the long night that preceded these days of my happiness, I do not remember grief and loneliness as much as I do peace and comfort -- grief, but never without comfort; loneliness, but never without peace. Almost never."       --- Marilynne Robinson in Gilead Trigger warning: Talk about world events beyond individual control. Skip to after photo if it might be too much :> *** As I begin to write, I am wondering if it is the case that the world just got so much more strife and violence, or that I have merely just 'grown up' to care more and feel more responsible now that I have so much more resources at my disposal compared to when I was a child?  The crises in Yemen and South Sudan which feel like they have become an accepted normal... to the military coup in Myanmar, and now the Taleban takeover in Afghanistan. Instagram is an incongruent source of news, because I follow climate/environme...

A bike is also youth Ke mana? Stop where? Beams of glee To be at safe distance Absorbing Vit D Albeit with some dissonance (The Shoppes is empty and Aunty is masked up) It is sad beautiful Such lovely yellow Amidst this They will come again next year, yes He went into the sea Is he bathing Or is he swimming? The best of times The worst of times

The top few songs for the Coachella music and arts festival perturb me. Among them are Alone (Marshmello) and Scared To Be Lonely. When I was forced to sit through the second song in the taxi some time ago, I made a mental note to give it a listen again. Okay I think this is the point I should say that I am slightly more assured after finding out that RadioHead was the main opening act on Day 1 of the festival. Fake Plastic Trees was a earworm in yes, those angst teenage years. ( "It wears him out...It wears him out..." ) Continuing on with my judgment of English pop now, I really felt sad listening/watching the MV of these 2 videos. Not just these, but in generally listening to the pop music now, it felt to me like a kind of indication of a deep hurt in society. Not just a deep hurt, but there seems to be a sense of experiential satisfaction pursued in and of itself. My mind somehow thinks of self-harm ( 'across the river not down the stream' ); has it become...

山雨欲来，暴风卷起， 到时还要敬拜。  心有点盼望又害怕的感觉。不知即将要走在怎样的道路，是高山或低谷。  也许会有因一波未平，一波又起的疲惫。到时还要歌颂。  今天看到叔叔关于清明节的短信，刹然想到的。 好了，隐隐的悲哀到此为止。我在这段时间里是充满喜乐和蒙到神恩典的。  呵呵年糕 <3 从荣耀堂回到家，厨房里是一盘的芋头炸年糕。近期来和家人有不少灿烂的时光。在校园里又有能祝福同学的机会，这个学期有了不少让我喜悦的友谊。还有！即将又要走在异国土上了。好兴奋，可以与知心友去越南，而也盼望能自己在香港去过的咖啡厅回首，祷告，阅读。 “你要保守你的心，胜过保守一切，因为一生的果效是由心发出。“      箴言4：33 也知道，会有不少诱惑。Treacherous heart apt to wander, let me not be caught in empty dreams. Both figuratively and literally. I had such a vivid dream that I could feel the hands' warmth even. 梦醒时，都不知道要怎么去理解。

"Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with dissipation, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap." Luke 21:34 Having purely pleasurable days like can also be good for the soul. But I put that verse from my quiet time yesterday as a reminder- especially not to let my heart be weighed down with dissipation; those needless thinking. It was really a fun day out food hunting- Sharetea taro milk because I had intense craves, chocolate chip egg waffles, egg custard 烧饼, 猪扒菠萝包- that alone for lunch. And then Hong Kong style zi char for dinner with traditional dessert after that. Walked around the Sham Shui Po area which I am not exaggerating when I say it has EVERYTHING. Clothes, shoes, textiles, even industrial-kind drilling machines in assorted colours. The best part was exploring the bead shops in Yu Chau Street and ribbon shops in Nam Cheong Street. The rows upon rows of beads and ribbons unlock t...

Somewhere in the Bayan-Ulgii aimag, Mongolia And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time When the last of earth left to discover Is that which was the beginning; At the source of the longest river The voice of the hidden waterfall And the children in the apple-tree Chaozhou: Phoenix Mountain From T.S. Eliot's Little Gidding.  And at the end of this leg of exploration is to give a better answer to 'Who am I ?' 

It's been a filled week- and now winding down, preparing for Sunday, I am in a contemplative mood. Against the strains of Coldplay I pause and have no words to describe my experience. Ah wait I have- existential psychology. My Mitwelt and Eigenwelt - interrelationships and my relationship with myself- seems to be coming together in a more congruent way. I realised something in myself which affects how I relate to people and vice versa, but the links are not clear yet: Shame A memory often revisited and pondered over: I was wearing a thick jumper (probably ugly), holding my Mum's hand as we walked to kindergarten where I would be brought to Snow City later on. I can hear. A child can hear "Why is she wearing such thick clothes in such a hot weather?" I don't know why this memory is associated with shame for me. I know that I feel shame for myself and my parents. Coming to awareness of this and acknowledging this shame has really helped me to be more ...

It started with this: Table for one please.  Picture taken while waiting for a smaller table- I nearly walked out when I saw how bustling it was and there was no cosy loner corner for me. But by now I am wiser- it really doesn't matter how many social norms I break if I am doing what is right and good for me. So I sat alone, taking in all the beautiful things in this beautiful social enterprise cafe. Crossings Cafe employs at-risk youth and students with special needs from Assumption Pathway School.    Lunch Special: Coriander Fish Fillet with Spicy Tomato Sauce// with salad and mashed potato  Was 90% full nearing the last 2 bites of my fish but decided to order dessert anyway heh.  Panna Cotta of the Day: Teh tarik panna cotta You can see how I feel about it. Part 2: Tolma the Explorer Supreme Court library which is what I imagine the Hogwarts library will feel like- a lot of ancient incomprehensible b...