chronicles of young

I miss the sun, and its warmth.  I miss being able to catch you on short dates, even when we both are tired. So we can just eat and not talk, but we eventually end up talking anyway. I miss my bed, my bedroom where I have all my knick knacks and crafty things. And my plants- Spung, 乐乐, Zazzy, Christmas. Lying on the hotel bed just now, I thought: "Where do the tears go? Where do they flow?" Does crying over homesickness, loneliness, identifying with unnamed strangers out there, brokenness, end with something?  I cannot know in this world, but I know I shall in eternity... Perhaps for this reason, tears can flow freely. Otherwise, it is such a waste to be so tired and worn out crying alone. I might as well head home, stay home.  But I am here. I am here and.. I am just here. Will I stay, can I stay.. one step at a time. "Show me the way that I should go, for to you I lift up my soul... Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level gro...

Stand with HK is something that has been stuck with me in the past few months here. Not in the same meaning that has been used by the protesters, but rather my own making sense of what is happening here to a beloved city I would even call my second home. Today as I was heading back (early before the bloody clash by yet another providence, otherwise I feel like it would be too much to bear in this time), there were armed policemen at Kowloon Tong MTR. Seeing them was enough to make me feel very tense and troubled- something was going to happen. Perhaps I am weak (that is what maybe Satan dupes me to believe), so I may try to reason within myself that it is okay, I haven't seen the most violent and inhuman of things. Going back to Stand with HK , in my stronger moments and at the end of those desperate-despairing 'Maybe I should go home' , I feel like bearing witness to this, caring about the people and the city, is what I can do. Actually I can do nothing. The comple...

Eid al-Fitr 2018 first saw me joining the throngs of Malay families and young couples milling around the Geylang Serai bazaar. Artery-clogging char kuay sotong But I actually liked the walk from Paya Lebar MRT to the bazaar more than the bazaar itself; trailing behind the 2 Malay families with their young energetic children made me somehow very happy: "Ikan! Ikan!" the cherubic younger sister squealed as she leaned as far as she could against the railing. At her Nenek's chiding "Payar!", her abang pulled her away, and they jogged along, abang's hand holding his sister's. Then, blessed koinonia at GBG Oikos: The last iftar for 2018- when walking down the whole stretch of Geylang Road The best lontong everrrr Friday: Chocolate- drizzled Custard Creams sans cream- biskuit Raya style. Then we stuffed ourselves with popiah and Chinese tea for lunch/tea. The porcelain remind me of how my parents bring us on overseas tr...

Heavy on your heart Heavy on your soul Thinking there must be more than this You are not alone We can be broken together Cigarettes The taste of abandon 'Cause I promise you I'm a dreamer too Heavy on my heart Thinking there must be more than this When the party has ended And your young heart's full of nothing Let's get high on believing I can promise you Yes, I am a dreamer too Dreaming in broken reality If you're looking for a home You are not alone We can be builders too Let's get high on believing I can promise you Yes, I am a dreamer too Credits: Dreamer // Axwell & Ingrosso

I have been praying that I can cry everything (whatever that is) out for sometime. Since last Friday after I slept through the quarrel between Dragon and B. in the car and realised 我累了, I have been feeling like I need a whole day at home. Just to be at home and perhaps read, pray, or do nothing but look at the flowers on my table or the sun casting it's light on the opposite blocks. Somehow, today I did. Started my quiet time with hymns. At It is Well (Bethel), I teared, remembering how I sang it in Mongolia when I was dealing with stuffs. Reminded to be quiet and trust. The next song Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing was what opened the floodgates. "On that day, when freed from sinning, I shall see Thy lovely face // Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God" I was crying and crying because at that point my soul longed for His kingdom come so so much. And simultaneously, I heard from Him that there is redeeming work to be done here, now. I wa...

Partially blogging to calm the restlessness in my heart. It manifests in the form of checking my phone every 3 minutes and going on FB every 5. This is terrible man. Why is it there I wonder. I feel like I have a lot to share with different individuals and groups suddenly but I am trying to restrain myself. Is that why? Perhaps one main driving factor is to see who is on my side on things that I shared. xxx I already wanted to write about Brueggemann (henceforth Bman heh). He is really gold. I love how he is so incisive in such an artistic manner that I can both understand and appreciate. Reading Living Toward A Vision now and I can't begin to describe it. It's the feeling where there is something out there you had an inkling of in your heart but can't put a finger to, and someone comes and expresses it beautifully with a greater passion than you have. Thanking God for Bman and for people who introduced me to his writings every time I read. This chapter named ...

Feeling sonder again. 这次不是伤悲，而是比较positive. (Strange eh, I start blogging in such a rojak way only in a foreign land) sonder  n . the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk. The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows 12 more days. Before I end a chapter of my life in Hong Kong, and go back to Singapore. My mind automatically added to "face the shit in Singapore".  Honestly am feeling quite apprehensive. Dust from old things I thought were buried in the past for good stirred up as I tried to prep myself emotion...

I don’t believe in charity. I believe in solidarity. Charity is so vertical. It goes from the top to the bottom. Solidarity is horizontal. It respects the other person and learns from the other. I have a lot to learn from other people. Eduardo Galeano When life gives you bread, make bread pudding. (Afterthought: Or rather, when God gives you bread, ask Him what to do with it. And my family was blessed through this-- parents went to Botanic Gardens to feed the koi fish with the leftover bread crusts & we had a lot of fun making stuffs from the bread.) Sunday: Copied this quote into my journal- A.W. Tozer says that people who are crucified with Christ have three distinct marks: 1. they are facing only one direction, 2. they can never turn back, and 3. they no longer have plans of their own. They longer any plans of their own. Monday: Already felt like I got backstabbed by God yet the bread distribution was far from smooth (chaos?). Felt more upset as I th...

"In repentance and rest  is your salvation,      in quietness and trust  is your strength" Isaiah 30:15,NIV Home is the place.