chronicles of young

 Realised I haven't posted here for awhile. I'm still writing though. And even video-journalling, though that was quite weird and my phone didn't have enough space haha. Where I am now: Sitting at V's desk, looking out at the rain, listening to BeigeMellow playlist. Feet very cold even with knitted socks. Warm oolong tea never felt soul good. Looking at the poloroid of bobear and me, taken 5 Dec 2020 in Chinatown, after we patched up after a(nother) conflict. Thinks to self: We have grown. I have grown. I put that above image as my laptop wallpaper to really ground myself with the fact that God is here. I look at the paintings and am reminded of different things: 1. HK's tumultous events since 2019, still unfolding now as I experience it also 2. God's sovereign hand still in this, though these things are too great for my heart to comprehend or hold. I shall be humble and pray. 3. Abba Father's blessings through the years- the right painting a glorious remini...

Have humans always been enthralled by high places? The Tibetans build their temples in the mountains to be closer to the heavens above. Today we trailed behind on the overwhelming kindness and generosity of a Vietnamese family as they ascended up the steep trail in Ba Vi National Park to worship at the shrine. We had the privilege to be privy to this ritual for some special day. Looking at the offerings of money. fragrant branches, a whole chicken... and then their lips moving silently as they knelt before the shrine. What are they praying for, I wonder. How do they see themselves in relation to the gods they are praying to? It was in that high fog-filled place that we had received so much grace freely given. We were so warmly welcomed into their fold, beckoned into the temple to see, invited (many many times) to eat their food, ushered up their van. At one point I remembered thinking: This is also a kind of shalom. This short trip to Hanoi has really brought us to high places...

清明时节雨纷纷，路上行人欲断魂。借问酒家何处有？牧童遥指杏花村。  好幽美的几句诗。 <subsequent images taken from the World Press Photo 2016 exhibition, gird yourself > A Slovenian police officer escorts refugees after they crossed from Croatia A strange kind of terrible beauty in this photo also. Ponomarev really composed it so beautifully; the horse bows its head, like how I'd imagine the hearts of the people. Yet the ethereal sunlight shines down on both the horseman and the people. Libyan refugees on an overcrowded dinghy wait as a MSF rescue ship approaches People cross into Turkey through a broken fence, near the official border crossing at Akçakale, Syria I stared at these nameless faces for a long time. And then I saw this. People run from water cannon fired by Turkish soldiers, to keep them away from border fences near Akçakale  And this.  A father cradles his lifeless daughter after a Syrian air raid And this. Adam. 7. Badly burned when bomb dropped by ...

山雨欲来，暴风卷起， 到时还要敬拜。  心有点盼望又害怕的感觉。不知即将要走在怎样的道路，是高山或低谷。  也许会有因一波未平，一波又起的疲惫。到时还要歌颂。  今天看到叔叔关于清明节的短信，刹然想到的。 好了，隐隐的悲哀到此为止。我在这段时间里是充满喜乐和蒙到神恩典的。  呵呵年糕 <3 从荣耀堂回到家，厨房里是一盘的芋头炸年糕。近期来和家人有不少灿烂的时光。在校园里又有能祝福同学的机会，这个学期有了不少让我喜悦的友谊。还有！即将又要走在异国土上了。好兴奋，可以与知心友去越南，而也盼望能自己在香港去过的咖啡厅回首，祷告，阅读。 “你要保守你的心，胜过保守一切，因为一生的果效是由心发出。“      箴言4：33 也知道，会有不少诱惑。Treacherous heart apt to wander, let me not be caught in empty dreams. Both figuratively and literally. I had such a vivid dream that I could feel the hands' warmth even. 梦醒时，都不知道要怎么去理解。

I knew I had an asshole side of me but I'd almost forgotten until today. So nicely suppressed. In a sense I am thankful for that because it reminds me that 我是人。是肉体的人，同时也是神的子女。 And while I am grateful for whatever life experiences and personal dispositions that I have, which made me who I am- a quick thinker who grasps things quite fast, analytical (?), able to look at macro stuff- I also know this has made me impatient, prideful, inclined to bash my way through things I don't quite know because I can't stand being meticulous about going through step-by-step (ref SPSS). Legit ashamed of myself at project work today, impatient, silently judging my group mates (such an asshole right). Seriously, I need to learn more patience in order to build people up, to work together to get good things going, to love. Love is patient indeed. It has been a long day.Woke up somehow at 5.48am, decided to do a truncated QT for more time to look at my data. Very notably, it was Psalm 1...

    Praise the LORD.  Praise the Father all ye faithful for His kairos, Praise the Son all ye weary for soul's rest, Praise the Spirit all ye beloved for truth timeless. Praise the LORD. Who pursues the least of man,  Who completes the good work in us, Who established creation with its natural laws.   Selah Praise the LORD. Who works all things for our good, Who gave the perfect law that we may live, Who made Sabbath for man, Not man for Sabbath, that we may be free indeed. Selah  Praise the LORD. He blesses the finite work of our hands, Unto Him they bear fruit that will last. He is good, His love endures forever, He dwells with us in the trial of silence. Our souls find not rest,  Until they rest in Him. Praise the LORD.  Honestly, I shuddered a little when I think about the week ahead. Thursday is when I am supposed to meet my thesis supervisor and give her my study hypotheses...

Ayeeee. It has been an eventful day. Actually I was in NUS the whole day like a boring but the conversations over WA/email were anything but. Of thankfulness, flipped back to the start of my current journal this morning and amazed at God's faithfulness in these short few months since December. Talking to my SW/life mentor about the upcoming lunchtime talk, about ministry in PGP, meeting Dr Calvin, even help from a senior for the policy project. He has blessed me with such wonderfully made people :') Of grief (and hope), a dear friend's uncle's passing. Reminded of my own aunt, my grandma too. Of joy and adventure. I just booked the ticket to Hanoi today whoop. To visit Hagar , an international NGO that engages with sex trafficking issues. Afterward I reflected, I actually haven't given much thought into this. Impulsive impulsive me I guess reframing you can say it is a kind of gung ho-ness but let me not get ahead of God. Of satisfaction, at the day's...

View from my favorite CLB corner seat ""Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless." What does a man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun?" (Ecclesiastes 1:2b-3, NIV) As I was about to type how I woke up with this hollowed feeling, I remembered that this is not new. Old question recently surfaced: What am I doing? Like really, what am I achieving? I don't want to create a system of redemption for myself by rushing to do stuff and making myself needed. Which I know I cannot without God anyway. This season is really one of humility (I sincerely hope it is) and praying. More observable is the focus on relationships- family and friends. Yet there's this huge part. I am insecure. And when that happens, sometimes I don't know if I am meeting my own needs or others. (Wow I didn't expect this to come out. I was just going to type about living ordinary days.) But yes, that's part of an ordinary day. To daily ask for gr...

The transformation was complete when I added the green sash to my Nepalese outfit. I was ready to be open and friendly like my friends were.  It was an awesome awesome night. Singing Angels We Have Heard on High, dancing freestyle mimicking the other two's graceful movements, laughing with Adarsh. Just basking in the joy of Christmas, singing Gloria in excelsis Deo and meaning every single line. There is just so much to give thanks and praise to God for. Thank You once again for this Christmas which reminds us of how Your great salvation was in the form of a baby. Jesus, Son of God deigns to step down from His heavenly throne to dwell among sinful man. For this reason, my soul shouts: Alleluia!  I felt so free just dancing like that, enjoying my body, enjoying my movements, enjoying the attention, and the flow between those dancing. Never felt like this before. This must be a bit of what Heaven feels like, no barriers and no strangers. Praise God for the glorious...

"Not to be so preoccupied with Why and What God is doing in my life? but rather to just trust in Him to lead us in the right path, walking moment by moment in God's grace and in the fear of the Lord.  This calls for walking by faith, and not by sight. This calls for a very moment-by-moment living, with God and for God. This I believe will eventually unfold, as we look back, into a beautiful picture of God's handiwork in our lives." (Wong, 2015) Typed this on my phone this Wednesday; inspired by a friend's wedding video where they traced their grace-filled lives- So many decisions I made without a clear sign from God. Yet His grace, love and sovereign power worked so beautifully so that I stand today- a child of God.    The very pivotal decision to ultimately chose Social Work. It was kind of a no-brainer then, and now. But I have asked myself (and still do sometimes), can I love this much, can I see the deepest hurts and still say that God is go...

Why am I penalised for doing good. Why is this happening to me. I can't take this anymore. F**K these shit. Yesterday all these were running through my mind. The combined events of the day just broke the alabaster I was holding things together in. I refused to let myself be reminded of Christ, knowing full well that He can help me. From today's Lent devotion: "Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God;   so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him." John 13:3-5 As Jesus came to serve and wash our dirty feet so I am called to follow His example. Even as He pushes me to do all these, He works things to give me what is needed. O God, thank You for these small miracles that are evidence of Your...

If time could turn back, would I still have done what I did? What would Jesus have done? These words have sunk deep into my heart. Said with that steady gaze. A tinge of bitterness? I couldn't even express how sorry I felt- the impact of what I (no, we) have done was looming over me. I sat outside with the piercing shouts of children, and it seemed too much to bear. Afterwards I tried to revert to childish thinking- heck, I'm only 20! I shouldn't be doing these things. Steel yourself. Steel yourself. I need to read the Word. Romans 8. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I down the comforting milk tea together with Romans 8, trying to claim the promises. Remembered how Betsie thanked God for the fleas in that wretched concentration camp. Thank God for this failure also, may I be open-handed toward You. Afterwards: Thank God that I recall how it is not totally my...

On Tuesday I posted on FB: Tuesday. Feels like the week's end. Anticipant I look then Wednesday. His word He shall send.  Today I continue. All thanks be to my dear Lord Jesus. Tuesday. Feels like the week's end Anticipant I look then Wednesday. His word He shall send  Disbelief; dead dreams resurrected Thursday. Fellowship blessed Anticipant I look to Friday! Feels like top of the world This got me thinking on how volatile we are-  "As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more." Psalm 103:15-16, NIV

" To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!" Proverbs 15:23 (ESV) Sidewalk Gallery Cafe, 1 Orchard Rd And the joy of leadership is in speaking into people's lives at the right time, making wise decisions. All glory be to God alone. Amen. It's a joy to serve with these people :) Especially with my fellow brothers and sisters in VCF. "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs 13:20 Praise be to the Father for also providing friends that speak wisdom into my life.

Adapted from the diary entry I made just now: Only this week did I truly (or perhaps not really) see how attractive I am. When I wore contacts, everyone was commenting how pretty I looked it made me feel kinda uncomfortable. I don't really like it when guys look at girls differently because they have a pretty face. Well I admit I'm guilty of that too.  God gave me those pretty eyes and that winning look for a reason. So I think it's also sin to hate what He has sovereignly blessed me with.Well she does make people (especially guys) open up to me faster in social work. But I'm still scared by how she can cause me or others to fall into sin. Guys taking too long a look, me looking too long at pictures of this earthly self, or feeling proud. Always before I pray earnestly (as earnest as my heart distracted by evil desires can) that I will glorify God and not sin against Him. Or cause others to sin against Him. It's a struggle to set my mind on things above...

"From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides thee, who works for those who wait for him." Isaiah 64:4, RSV MAD at 20: Vegan cupcakes for Africare Guidance Programme Satisfying internship at Lakeside Family Services   Resident cat Dessert and dialogue with dear colleagues  Living out my childhood social enterprise dream in ways more awesome than I imagined "Bless the Lord O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy name!" Psalm 103:1, RSV

explanation: inspiration: conclusion: "But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life."  1 Timothy 1:16