chronicles of young

  This hymn brought tears to my eyes as we sang it in church this morning... The plaintive tune and lyrics brought to mind the many Christians waiting, seeking, praying (or faint from praying), for peace and justice for themselves and their homeland. Sigh.. Come Lord Jesus.  There are no words, just sighs and groans at the horrors I read/know a fraction of in the news and on social media.  As I read about ("yet another") natural disaster- "worst flood in a century in Somalia", the death toll, the reason (El Nino)- my heart naturally 'seizes up' a bit to shore myself from getting too affected. Yet Lord, yet Kang, aren't each 1 behind the number that added to the death toll and the people displaced from their homes, an eternal soul? It is all too easy to get hypocritical and think to myself: "I care quite a bit already". Thank You Spirit for putting in my heart this thought: We in Singapore may feel protected from all these, but its not if but wh...

神的儿女要唱一首新歌，我们神要做新事 旧的事都已经过去，在基督里一切都要更新 新的眼界 新的異象，新的故事 新的方向 (Give Us Vision, SOP 2015) 1. Beginning from the latest 'new' thing (or rather one) | I do remember a time in 2018 where I was almost in the depths of despair as I realised that I have not been known fully and I doubted if there was anyone who would know me fully and truly accept me. Recalling my reflections on being human after Anntic 2016, this struggle to be known/making myself known has been a rooted one.  I guess one of the most beautiful, gospel-proclaiming joy of being a together-er, +1, half in a relationship that is more than ourselves is this- to be fully known and to be fully accepted. Of course, my reflexive self is aware that I might well be suffering from the age-old 'love is blind' illness. But that is not really true because there has been uncomfortable reflections and disclosures that show me (us) that these old ways need to be given up. And still, the acceptance (intentional...

I am glad that I have a really meaningful (not well-taken but whatever) photo of you. In the photo, you were looking on at L. pen down his response to: 'What is Man's purpose in life?" We were all wearing the camp shirt emblazoned with Romans 10:13-15. How beautiful is your feet! Thank you for your kind cheery heart that looks out for those on the fringes and seeks greater love amidst the strife. I am very sad, but also somewhat joyful too. You have brought people together like how you would have wanted and worked for. Father of compassion and God of all comfort, You have not left us orphans in the grief.  Even as I grief, not just for this dear child of Yours but also for mum's response this morning, it turns into something beautiful by faith.  Watch and wait and see, what is yet to be

颠倒世界 好奇怪 有多坏 让我无法释怀 颠倒时代 盟国作战  蒙黑显白 颠倒耶利哥 七次吹角 城墙塌陷 颠倒福音 活出爱 国度来 让我们齐心代祷

The best kind of holiday is the one that allows you to reflect and be refreshed, and that was exactly what the Jogja trip did for me. Significantly, I think I had the conclusion to the prayer requests I asked of my colleagues for a few months at morning devotions (I admit I hadn't been very faithful in praying by myself- value of community experienced). The main tension/question experienced in the transition from student to professional was: Am I doing enough for the kingdom of God? Well I do think it's fallacious to say that this will be the tension one faces in transiting to work because this tension is supposed to stay throughout our lives as we seek greater love. Two threads of thoughts (trying to be more organised here) culminated from thinking during the long car rides and that 3 hours alone together with my 2 dear INFJ friends: God demands much of us, mortal man made in His very image. To be like Christ is an uncompromising perfect standard, yet fitting for a...

I catch myself exclaiming this inwardly when I get the feeling that my prayers have been answered - which is a good thing right? - but there's a sense of being 'tricked' into something uncomfortable. Surely this is one of the reasons why God says 'No' or 'Wait' to our prayers. We do not know what it means for ourselves when we pray for certain things, or perhaps we ask without being fully ready for the 'Yes'. Anyway, just before I slept YW asked how come I got the feeling that it wouldn't be good for me to go for this Bible camp which I really took alot away from last year. Just vague thoughts about my participation not being very helpful for the other campers and not very aligned to the season I'm in so I didn't reply. This morning came the invitation to head the Discipleship Committee for church youth camp. Such is human nature: My first reaction was something like 'Wow! Good job, God! You answered my prayers in this way and no...

Maybe I write this post as a mini self rebuke, maybe an act of subtle self-glorification. "A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fools' eyes wander to the ends of the earth." Proverbs 17:24 Feels like straight in the heart rebuke when I read it this morning.  Dear Mum and Dad, family and friends: I am both sorry and not sorry. Which in effect is not sorry at all. And I am, in my better self, sorry for that. Sorry that I don't really care about the great mess in my room nor the fact that I probably lost my identity card. It really doesn't matter at the end of it, like I said to the utter dismay of my friends in response to the possibility of missing our flight back to Singapore.  After awhile, it kinda sucks being seen as crazy/foolish/needing to be restrained. Of course, there is truth in it. (No, I shall not be tempted into emotional pride and feel like it's me against the world) Yet I hope that some of this other-worldliness is a v...

又回到这个温暖优美的家。不是我的家不过好像在这短短的 4 天里有那么多美好的时光。不是纯纯快乐的，而是有时带伤感的。 过了一年，回到这个地方，看到自己不是以前的我。 I think I have become in a sense more emotional, more attuned to my own sorrows and even seeing it's beauty. Still like being alone to think and reflect, but I have come to express some of these reflections, because I have learnt that first ministry cannot be done alone and second that there are people who care passionately about the same things too. Hmm the pride is still there but the monster has taken on a different form. I used to not want to share both because of self-protection and the emotional pride: No one cares! Now that I am... So accomplished in the eyes of many, the pride distorts how I view myself. With such great blessing of various strengths comes that thorn in the flesh- and I was reminded again of His all sufficient grace. Power made perfect in weakness, and so let me boast about my weaknesses. Looking and hearing at the new Exco share about their reflections on ministry b...

The entire trip with the Hagar staff and supporters was a tremendously blessed one. Apart from seeing the wonderful work done, it was also meeting people that have the same heartbeat and have gone ahead of me. Just wanted to write down how each of these people have touched my life, for that blip of shared time in Hanoi: Firstly, it became such a joy being somewhat of a wallflower and looking at Lynette laughing so heartily at the smallest things. There was always something to laugh at or be playful about, and the van was filled with boisterous laughter throughout the 4 days. The sisterhood with Camy was also something so beautiful, and both of them really exuded that joy in service and in working for Hagar. It must have been a leap of faith to work in Hagar with only 3 staff and no office (until recently), being in the stable job of MSF. Kelda's dedication to take photos which meant she would always not have a nice shot of her inside the group photos was also so...

-well darling let's hurt tonight. If this love is pain then darling let's love tonight~ (Let's Hurt Tonight, OneRepublic) Painted this today morning against the background music of Sinking Deep/I Need You Now/Broken Vessels. A fountain. The three that remain: Faith, Hope and Love. Leaves of tree for the healing of nations. Now that I have gotten things off my chest, I feel more at peace. Thank you, Evan. Thank You, Father for this mentor who is so similar to me, both in angst and in passion. I almost cried when she shared about Rev.Yap used to ask "Why you so not 乖?" Really thank You, Lord, for You reminded me about my third resolution to spur my spiritual family towards love and good works. I know You would desire a willing heart more than a person with abilities. Empty empty all these things, without love. So many points I felt like crying when talking to Evan. About the love for and angst over church, when she asked me what did I think God wants me t...

Partly to prepare myself for an interview for youth worker at Lakeside FSC, I revisited those songs I'd so identified with in my secondary and JC years. Realised that u still do. Linkin Park, Simple Plan, One Republic- the top 3 angst song bands for me.  Like, what you looking at, huh?   "I'm tired of trying to be what you want me to be // I've become so numb, I can't feel you there." (Numb, Linkin Park) " But tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut, sending SOS from this tiny box. Cos I'm lost out there and the world forgot." (Astronaut, Simple Plan) So I indulged in more of these emo-angst songs last night (way longer than just that one song because I was almost-desperately trying to find that song of which I could only remember the grave in the MV. It was Stop and Stare.) Dangerous dangerous. As the lyrics play in my head and I associate them with things that I have experienced, they focus me on myself.  But anyw...

山雨欲来，暴风卷起， 到时还要敬拜。  心有点盼望又害怕的感觉。不知即将要走在怎样的道路，是高山或低谷。  也许会有因一波未平，一波又起的疲惫。到时还要歌颂。  今天看到叔叔关于清明节的短信，刹然想到的。 好了，隐隐的悲哀到此为止。我在这段时间里是充满喜乐和蒙到神恩典的。  呵呵年糕 <3 从荣耀堂回到家，厨房里是一盘的芋头炸年糕。近期来和家人有不少灿烂的时光。在校园里又有能祝福同学的机会，这个学期有了不少让我喜悦的友谊。还有！即将又要走在异国土上了。好兴奋，可以与知心友去越南，而也盼望能自己在香港去过的咖啡厅回首，祷告，阅读。 “你要保守你的心，胜过保守一切，因为一生的果效是由心发出。“      箴言4：33 也知道，会有不少诱惑。Treacherous heart apt to wander, let me not be caught in empty dreams. Both figuratively and literally. I had such a vivid dream that I could feel the hands' warmth even. 梦醒时，都不知道要怎么去理解。

One benefit of being a student is that your time is sectioned nicely into semesters, and I am now midway into my final one in NUS. Kisah ada pahit, ada manis, tapi Tuhan membuat segala sesuatu indah pada waktunya (Pengkhotbah 3:11, TB). Wrapping up this week with intentional quiet reflection and self-examination. Our gracious God has reminded me about the 3 resolutions I had for 2017 . A broken hallelujah to You, my King. To be honest, when my uncle began his series of text messages that was sending the implicit message of me not caring enough for my family, I was (1) frustrated (2) indignant (3) prideful and resistant (4) almost hateful. I was like: What more do you want?! What more do you want from me, God? And, who are you to tell me what to do, can't you see I am doing good work? Aren't I already making the effort? (Doesn't help that I was already feeling quite shaken from something else and that uncle was being indirect) Even now I find it difficult to reply ...

It's the 4am epiphany again. I am very glad that this time it was for Glory Presbyterian Church. Pretty sure my proposal will be taken favorably, excited to see what happens. Thank you, Father, You have let me do what I wanted to do. On more trivial things, I discovered another time capsule while searching for those One Piece name stickers I got made eons ago (don't know why I suddenly got reminded of their existence). Introspection is my nature, I am sure of that now.  The closest reason is (2) it was really a pleasant surprise. Jolted my memories of a more awkward Kang back in Secondary 2, still needy for friends' affirmations, trying to fit into the cool kids gang. Those were the days of Neoprints, junk food at JEC, altercations with people (including once with Newtown Secondary kids lol).   I really thank God for preserving me. Not only that, He has added so much to me such that my 'priorities' have been fulfilled, even though He was way ...

"Not to be so preoccupied with Why and What God is doing in my life? but rather to just trust in Him to lead us in the right path, walking moment by moment in God's grace and in the fear of the Lord.  This calls for walking by faith, and not by sight. This calls for a very moment-by-moment living, with God and for God. This I believe will eventually unfold, as we look back, into a beautiful picture of God's handiwork in our lives." (Wong, 2015) Typed this on my phone this Wednesday; inspired by a friend's wedding video where they traced their grace-filled lives- So many decisions I made without a clear sign from God. Yet His grace, love and sovereign power worked so beautifully so that I stand today- a child of God.    The very pivotal decision to ultimately chose Social Work. It was kind of a no-brainer then, and now. But I have asked myself (and still do sometimes), can I love this much, can I see the deepest hurts and still say that God is go...

"In repentance and rest  is your salvation,      in quietness and trust  is your strength" Isaiah 30:15,NIV Home is the place.