chronicles of young

What a blessing to be able to hold all things loosely, even my very life. Though of course as stoic/ faith-full as I seem, doubts and lingering fears will probably stay with me throughout my life. Am I fully convinced of my eternal glorious life in heaven? Honestly, no. Yet I have enough faith and experience with God to know that Abba Father will bring me home, by grace. Thinking about death more recently as I prepare heart and mind to head to Nagaland. There is a risk to every adventure undertaken with God, yet how fun and joyful each one is with the Spirit's leading :) Putting this hymn here as a reminder- the trip will be definitely challenging and stretch my patience, love and everything nice (LOL). Yet God remains our common vision and on this foundation we stand together. Heart of my heart, whatever befall, still be my vision O Ruler of all. \\ What if I really die? Be still, child. I the LORD will bring you home and take care of the things back here.

I am glad that I have a really meaningful (not well-taken but whatever) photo of you. In the photo, you were looking on at L. pen down his response to: 'What is Man's purpose in life?" We were all wearing the camp shirt emblazoned with Romans 10:13-15. How beautiful is your feet! Thank you for your kind cheery heart that looks out for those on the fringes and seeks greater love amidst the strife. I am very sad, but also somewhat joyful too. You have brought people together like how you would have wanted and worked for. Father of compassion and God of all comfort, You have not left us orphans in the grief.  Even as I grief, not just for this dear child of Yours but also for mum's response this morning, it turns into something beautiful by faith.  Watch and wait and see, what is yet to be

Eid al-Fitr 2018 first saw me joining the throngs of Malay families and young couples milling around the Geylang Serai bazaar. Artery-clogging char kuay sotong But I actually liked the walk from Paya Lebar MRT to the bazaar more than the bazaar itself; trailing behind the 2 Malay families with their young energetic children made me somehow very happy: "Ikan! Ikan!" the cherubic younger sister squealed as she leaned as far as she could against the railing. At her Nenek's chiding "Payar!", her abang pulled her away, and they jogged along, abang's hand holding his sister's. Then, blessed koinonia at GBG Oikos: The last iftar for 2018- when walking down the whole stretch of Geylang Road The best lontong everrrr Friday: Chocolate- drizzled Custard Creams sans cream- biskuit Raya style. Then we stuffed ourselves with popiah and Chinese tea for lunch/tea. The porcelain remind me of how my parents bring us on overseas tr...

I really love Saturdays where I drift in and out of slumber in the morning knowing that there is nothing that I need to wake up for except to have a hearty breakfast with my parents. Just being a child and hugging my crocodile soft toy (his name is Peebo btw), thinking fluffy thoughts. Found this in my old recipe notebook today when I was trying to find a recipe to use up the custard powder lying around. Those days when I only had a BW Nokia phone and so much time to read- A bit blown to see how nearly 10 years from then, most of what I wanted to do 'when I, Kang Li grows up' have been checked off. It is like God heard the prayers that even I had forgotten, and stored them in His heart. Chocolate Pound Cake and writing a book- these two are more stuff of dreams- but let's see where the adventure with God takes.

"I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24b)- the cry of a father begging Jesus to heal his possessed son. The past week has been difficult emotionally. I am exasperated at emotionality, (yet the prayer Break my heart for what breaks Yours is surely pleasing to You, Abba Father), at how weak I am, at how self-glorifying I am. I have realised, unbelief is also a temptation. Is God really real? What has a baby born in a blip of time in Israel got to do with us today? Is God really working in this world? These questions came up and I guess they gave me an excuse to slip into despair which is terrible, but perhaps easier to confront then the task of faith and trust in God's working, together with it's call to obedience. How do I engage the world? How do we, as Christian university students in Singapore, studying <insert major/discipline> engage the world we live in? I know, from personal experience and Christian counsel- I can't address all,...

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3 ""But sir, " Gideon replied, "if the LORD is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, 'Did not the LORD bring us up out of Egypt?' But now the LORD has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian." The LORD turned to him and said, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?"" Judges 6:13-14

The exhilaration was real, The feelings were real,  I thought to myself, Where will all these go. I hid the Christ in me, And threw myself into the potent pool,  Yes enjoyed myself for a moment still. Chasing the wind everyday, Knowing that it was not the way, Running in circles, Refusing to be gathered. The cost is real, The feelings are real, But the goal is greater still. So Abba I pray, Keep me close. 

(After I blog this I shall disconnect, and try to process things with God.) Perhaps I am burnt out, I tell myself. But it's okay not to think about it now. I do want to be fruitful for God and perhaps being burnt out is a natural consequence- there is so much to do. I am glad these questions about toil, salvation, pain, brokenness, human relationships came as they do now. They put things in perspective when I see the world as it truly is- neither with rose-tinted glasses nor despair- because Jesus, the light of the world has come. In any case, I feel like there are so many tabs opened in my mind these few weeks. So I am glad that one tab has been closed. Thanks bro. For the grace shown, for speaking words not in haste (unlike the impatient me), for sharing. Yes, one tab closed. I wouldn't have it another way. But God, bring me through whatever lies ahead.

In our end is our beginning// In our time infinity 耶稣说【手扶着犁向后看的，不配进神的国。】 路加福音9：62 Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." Luke 9:62 In our death a resurrection// At the last a victory 你心若向饥饿的人发怜悯，是困苦的人得满足，你的光就必在黑暗中发现；你的幽暗必变如 正午 。以赛亚书58：10 "and if you spend yourselves on behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday." Isaiah 58:10 Unrevealed until its season// Something God alone can see 因我活着就是基督，我死了就有益处。腓立比书1：21 "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21 Truth be told, I would love to die now. I am content as it is in the silence between one thought and the next. Yet the silence cannot hold. It cannot hold and I will not die but wait patiently for the Lord.

Have been thinking in hymns a lot recently. This is my Father's world. I rest me in the thought! He helps me to wait patiently for Him to give me what I need, to give us what we need when we are ready. Because I know that His ways are higher than mine, and His love I never can fathom, I know I can trust Abba in His own time and will. So continue to give me that open handedness Lord. Of rocks and trees Of skies and seas, His hand the wonders wrought. A thought that I sometimes feel that I cannot bear: God has given me all these talents and capabilities, that I am doing so much by myself. Will there be someone that can form an effective team to lead us to greater things? I smile now as I remember how He spoke to me just last week: "I am for you and not against you". Whenever I had an awesome time/day/week, at the back of my mind I am prepping myself for a tough time ahead. Like God is somehow this 'benevolent suffering-generator. So yes, just like He tested ...

I wrote If nearly 4 years ago, a very idealistic girl that wanted to make a difference. Perhaps I wasn't being too idealistic, but not idealistic enough. As I was reading this article from Relevant Magazine, I was reminded of how God has fulfilled my childhood fantasies in His good time. " It wasn’t for some dream. It wasn’t for some great idea. It was for Him and for His name and for whatever it was He wanted to do through me here." This was not what I would say even 2 years ago when I first wanted to become a social worker. I wanted to change lives, to impact youths and have them glorify me by saying that I was their turning point. "I think that’s a really important difference, because if we make it about the dream, we’ll try to control the dream and we’ll put our identity in the dream and we will have to have the dream work or we’ll be miserable. But if you say, “You know what? I’m here, God, to take whatever You’ve given me and to display You in whate...

" To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!" Proverbs 15:23 (ESV) Sidewalk Gallery Cafe, 1 Orchard Rd And the joy of leadership is in speaking into people's lives at the right time, making wise decisions. All glory be to God alone. Amen. It's a joy to serve with these people :) Especially with my fellow brothers and sisters in VCF. "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs 13:20 Praise be to the Father for also providing friends that speak wisdom into my life.

Another semester of school is ending soon, and as I reflect on this semester, the chorus of Written in the Stars (Westlife, not Tenie Tempah) rang so true: When I look at my life, how the pieces fall into place, it just wouldn't rhyme, without You At my very core, You satisfy me Lord. And You have taught me to truly delight in You and You only this semester. When I so desperately wanted friends, not to bless them but rather to have people to eat lunch with so I won't worry about eating lunch alone in school, to cafe hop with, to take nice pictures with, You did not give it to me. Instead, You showed me how self-centred I am. Then, when I told You, I must centre myself on You so please help me to- You gave me company when I needed it. I found that I was a better friend, and much more assured in the friendships I have. When I see how my path, seem to end up before Your face When I asked to be rooted deeper in church, You showed me that again, fellowship is God-centred:...

But I know I (am supposed to) have the joy and that I can shoot down the second point with a dozen declarations from God in the Bible.  Still... there always comes this time, when I start to doubt. Like now. Long-held fears and anxieties.  I'm boring, uncool, too serious to have fun with... No friends to really be with which makes me feel empty-sad. And always this sense of futility- what am I doing with my life?  To make things worse, my friends do not seem similarly afflicted. Okay, the chances are that people do feel the same way but we aren't connected so I still feel alone. How I have prayed for a confidant to know me, apart from God Himself! Yet perhaps for this very reason the answer is no/wait.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it determines the course of your life." Proverbs 4:23, NLT God tells us that how we allow people to move our hearts will influence our entire life. Discern well for it is no small matter, He says. Found my heart stirred towards a really sweet-looking guy in camp. I don't know much about him but hearts don't really care about these things as we all know.  "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm." Song of Songs 8:6, NLT A relationship grounded in biblical principles speaks of permanence. Do I seek this permanence or is it a self-aggrandizing desire?  "His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:34, NLT The simple fact that is a constant s...

Adapted from the diary entry I made just now: Only this week did I truly (or perhaps not really) see how attractive I am. When I wore contacts, everyone was commenting how pretty I looked it made me feel kinda uncomfortable. I don't really like it when guys look at girls differently because they have a pretty face. Well I admit I'm guilty of that too.  God gave me those pretty eyes and that winning look for a reason. So I think it's also sin to hate what He has sovereignly blessed me with.Well she does make people (especially guys) open up to me faster in social work. But I'm still scared by how she can cause me or others to fall into sin. Guys taking too long a look, me looking too long at pictures of this earthly self, or feeling proud. Always before I pray earnestly (as earnest as my heart distracted by evil desires can) that I will glorify God and not sin against Him. Or cause others to sin against Him. It's a struggle to set my mind on things above...

"From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides thee, who works for those who wait for him." Isaiah 64:4, RSV MAD at 20: Vegan cupcakes for Africare Guidance Programme Satisfying internship at Lakeside Family Services   Resident cat Dessert and dialogue with dear colleagues  Living out my childhood social enterprise dream in ways more awesome than I imagined "Bless the Lord O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy name!" Psalm 103:1, RSV

I'm writing this more for myself (since I realised I periodically re-read my posts and am encouraged by some of them, especially this one .). I remember I made this promise to God not to watch Korean dramas again after I threw a hissy temper when my parents refused to let me watch the last episode in the midst of my exams. That was when it hit me that I was so deeply engrossed. I might be more socially conscious than others. But perhaps this has also caused me to lapse easily into a world where I can mindlessly lap up the pretty faces, the predictable plot and of course, more often than not, a good ending at the 16th episode. I am writing this because I have been breaking this promise. Until 1030, I tell God. Then it was, just this one episode to spend time with my parents. Yesterday too, though I knew I would have trouble focusing on God's message in church today if I didn't sleep earlier. Lack of sleep isn't all though. One big reason I decided by God's gra...

/pəːsɪˈvɪər(ə)ns/ "Continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation."  Oh for grace to trust Him more! And I know that He is with me, will be with me to the end. Tomorrow I start my field placement in a family service centre proper. I really really thank God that He has mercifully provided a strong Christian that loves and seeks Him as my partner, and that this centre meets at 8.30am everyday for prayers.  Bleary eyes, slow mind- can't get some eloquence out now so I'll keep it short. I'm reminded of this victorious life to which I entered when Christ took hold of me.  And though this world, with devils filled,  Should threaten to undo us, We will not fear, for God has willed His truth to triumph through us. The prince of darkness grim, We tremble not for him- His rage we can endure, For lo! His doom is sure; One little word shall fell him (And that word is the Word of God) Martin Luther King "Not that...

explanation: inspiration: conclusion: "But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life."  1 Timothy 1:16