chronicles of young

Actually I'm just like what the shit... allow me to rant for awhile and let out the negativity.  Was gonna post an IG story on Close Friends but realised I didn't really want to talk about stuff should anyone reply so putting it here for an almost-imaginary or future audience (hopefully me in the future feeling much better). I really have not 释怀 and believe me, I've tried. Daily, many times a day, especially after talking with boss.  Last month I was on the track of I will just buckle down and finish my KRAs, and for awhile it worked but how long can I suppress my emotions especially when gaslighting continues right. I can deal with what I see as illogical tasks but added on with gaslighting?! SCREW YOUUUU SCREW YOUUU I tried to use the questions of what is good, true and beautiful to focus myself on the positive... seriously some days I feel so weary trying to make the best and see the best in this place. It feels so unproductive needing to manage my emotions and negative ...

Uninhibited bitching about my internal examiners especially the chair lol. Idk if this is gonna make me feel better and I also want to qualify that I do see validity in their points (some of them). Yesterday I made a memo about seeing their comments as invaluable in improving my work and that I can use them to grow professionally in how to take feedback constructively... But today I am feeling indignant again as I try to work on their comments.  Ask me how I feel after the viva, I feel disappointment, weariness, even shame. These feelings were all masked by my tiredness from not having enough physical rest, and also the positive aspect that was well-meaningly emphasised.  But gosh. Thinking back about how the two internal examiners reacted to my responses to their incessant drilling made me feel so shameful and unworthy, and now I feel very angry toward them. Especially when I try to work on their comments, and I feel like HELLO I have already put some of these points down, di...