chronicles of young

18 is both a very young and very old age to be in. I have probably just lived out one-fifth of my life, I'm dependent on my parents, I'm prone to melancholy and self-centeredness (taken to a whole new level with FB). In a bid to move away from self-centeredness I feel almost adverse to putting the word 'I' in a sentence and yet in this blog I cannot avoid doing so. Kang Li feels like she knows alot because she thinks alot (that is also an unsupported perspective), when in fact the knowledge is a drop in the ocean of wisdom. At least let us know and appreciate this ocean. She feels old in the sense that she is actively participating in some of the stuff she disdained in her childishness not so long ago. Feels hypocritical. And having a sense of.. disbelief. She is going for an internship and applying to possibly the hardest scholarship to get in the country! (Sounds ascetic/anti-establishment) I think it boils down to motives. The pyschometric test results said t...

This is possibly the first book that really made me go 'wow'. Like there is just that silence after I read the last word of this simply worded 'fable', according to the author. I stumbled upon this book at one of the second hand bookshops in Bras Basah Complex, which explains the cheap price tag. It speaks of children that possess that childlike innocence and goodness, at the same time as it speaks of the quiet confused sadness of a child. So many times I've wished I were more childlike, in faith, in thoughts and in actions. (Note how it distinguishes from being childish, which I hate to be) And I've never read a blurb like that one behind this book. If I haven't had some idea of what this story is from what I read about the movie based on the book, I guess I would still be drawn by it. I would never have guessed the ending too. Devoured it in one go; this book really punches above its weight. (Gah I make a bad book reviewer)

I'm technically graduating on October 12 I think, but I wanna write something about school now when I feel like I can write something (of at least some worth that is). In many ways I guess the school still feels a bit new to me; sometimes I stop in my tracks just to figure out how to get somewhere. But that's not the point here. I just wanna write down all the events/conversations with people that I remember while I still can. I went through a period recently where I was seized by an irrational debilitating stress. I say it was irrational cos I knew I had no basis for it. Anyway during this period I was feeling quite hopeless, and I forgot why but F talked about where she wanted to go. Either Japan or Shanghai, she said, and when I asked for what, she replied somewhat abashedly 'To enjoy life..' That was when I let out a mock cry. It made M laugh but from the bottom of my heart at that moment I really felt like crying. Cos at that moment it really ...

It is an important concept for me. I read somewhere that time does not change us, it merely unfolds us. While there is some truth in this, I think we are also very much in charge of what to do with our very limited time on earth. I think part of why I'm perceived to be self-disciplined in my life is because I simply do not want to waste my time on earth. Which is why I kinda gravitate towards talking about deeper stuff I guess. Anyway I'm turning 18 come this Friday (reason for that pretty cheesecake you see), and I wanna talk about my flaws. I think one of my greatest flaws is my self-consciousness. I really hate it when I let how (I perceive) people look at me overwrite how God looks at me. On the surface it doesn't seem like a big deal right. But for me it profoundly influences every thought I think, every word out of my mouth, every action I make. (What an irony right, me writing on a blog which is open to everyone.) Actually I think this is th...

When I watched footages of how animals we eat without much thought were slaughtered so we can have delish food on our plates, I felt a sense of horror, but still could push this away when faced with meat on my plate. I have been an omnivore like the majority of us all my life and I can say I love animals. I mean, I don't eat excessively and can't stand wasting food, but still, I think I need to tackle the issue of where I stand in my eating. Firstly, perhaps you can say this is shirking back? But it really is hard to stop if one has been eating meat so naturally all her life. Today I was all prepared (so I told myself) not to order anything with meat in the canteen. But at the snack store, deciding what to eat, I ordered char siew pastry just like that. I didn't even know I was eating pork (like you know, thinking I'm eating the meat of a pig that probably squealed before its impending doom) until after the first blissful mouthfuls. The truth is, it is all too eas...

I am posting this so that I can immortalise these memories. The other day while at BSS Henderson, I lost my wallet at the void deck. I was in the classroom for only 10 minutes? before I realised it, but by then it was gone. Well it contained so much sentimental value. It had secondary school mugshots of my classmates, dorky faces and all, notes from friends which had been in my wallets throughout the years plus all those loyalty cards. Okay this is not the point. It sounds quite unexceptional when I am thinking of how to put it in words now. Aye, how can I ever convey the warmth I felt for the aunties and uncles that tried to find my wallet? After I ran back to the coffeeshop where I was before, most of the coffeeshop staff knew of my plight. They were so sympathetic and I had to turn down repeated offers to lend me money to get home. There was also this uncle at the table where I had lost my wallet that helped too.  Don't tell my mum but I was thinking it was...

It's not a book review. Coz I haven't finished reading it yet. Look at muh giraffe its still halfway through the book. And yes this is the first time I took NOTES while reading a book. Coz it's really quite profound (but not uncomprehensible) and well, wanted to share my thoughts while reading this book here. Okay, short introduction of what is this book roughly about. Mark Rowlands had Brenin the wolf for 11 years, and throughout this span of time, he came to formulate (for lack of better word, sorry) and comprehend many truths about man. He called this 'the clearing', the space made by the wolf from which these thoughts emerged. One of the reasons why I love reading this so much is because it really verbalised the view that was within me, which I was pondering over it but not knowing how to express it. When I was particularly depressed over it, I called it our inhumanity towards other people. Mark Rowlands had it all nailed down: In his book he used '...