Not Settling

Gonna probably read like some haphazardly written post haha what with seemingly disparate things making sense in my brain and me not bothering to process (read: clarify) too much because this is my space.

But okay, CG sis prayed that we will ask God for direction first instead of deciding then pray that it will turn out well. And we just had a study on loving the church- and one main thing from that was to use our gifts to build up the church.

Here goes- a frivolous song first (though I really like it! Singer, lyrics, poetic metaphors)

Love U U　我像孤獨的漁夫

說不出　愛的溫度

很想給你幸福　你卻自我保護

轉彎處　只剩下潮汐之外的荒蕪

This is the first stanza from JJ Lin's Love UU. Obviously this is a sad love song, but its poetry render it even better than just sad- it connotes nostalgic, angst, confused feelings in that one stanza. 

Take the last line- I think it means "At the end of all this, what is left is a pile of mess and hurt". But the song uses the metaphor of stormy tides, and it communicates so much more than above sentence. 

Sometimes what is felt cannot, and must not be reduced to direct pronouncements, or it risks being swept under the carpet and the important thing that generates those feelings is almost nullified. 

I have been relating a lot to the prophet Jeremiah as I read Brueggemann's Hopeful Imagination. Perhaps not surprisingly, I have always identified a lot with the OT prophets- their task, their struggle with YHWH, their poetic language and also their loneliness. (Throwback to me as brooding kid)

Sensing that it may be something the dangerous YHWH is leading me to. Challenged by the words of this modern day prophet: That 'the yearning for equilibrium is an idolatrous escape from reality', and that vitality comes from embracing 'transformative tension' as how life really is. (Brueggemann, Hopeful Imagination: Prophetic Voices in Exile (Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1986), p.22-23)

Inner conflict. Who does not want stability at some point, or to be comfortable where one is comfortable to be? 

Yet I refuse. Refuse to settle. Refuse to be satisfied with easy answers. (Reminded of the Francisian blessing; yes it is a gift). 

// I labour on, in weakness and rejoicing, For in my need, His power is displayed.