There's a Time

Well I'm also happy for this part in my life too, though its really quite scary/tiring to experience barely controlled tears.

How do you feel? The question I train myself to ask my clients, the same question that is so hard to answer. Both because its legit hard to describe feelings, and uncomfortable to answer.

I sense that this time, there cannot be quick answers or resolutions to the tangle inside. 好像在和自己玩冒险游戏。But the irony is, this risk is to take with people. To make myself known , to give and to (highlights) receive. How to do that without getting burnt-out or self-centred is something that bewilders me.

I just had a conversation with Mum about my menstrual cramps. 我的 team 现在很复杂, I say as an explanation for the increased work stress cited as a reason for the cramps. Before I could continue, she jumped in to say 我的工作那边才复杂啊！and proceeds to say more about her work. 

When that happened I thought Oh. This is how I feel unlistened to and it could really make me less willing to share. Thankfully the conversation ended well- Mum backtracked after telling me that stress is something you can just stop feeling so that you can take better care of yourself, by saying (from personal experience- empathy!) Actually it is not that easy not to feel stressed, work always has its stressors. 

I was quiet, mind reflective- I must remember she cares so much for me. I must not be tempted to become an everything-is-okay robot, starting with my family. 

There was this time where I started to thank my parents for the house chores they did, and affirmed them more. That changed the family dynamics. Perhaps now is a new time, towards a greater being known and knowing.