2017

He asked me, "Son of man, can these bones live?"

I said, "O Sovereign LORD, you alone know."

Ezekiel 37:3

 Read-typing these verses with Broken Vessels playing in the background. How apt. 

It is strange how I didn't feel that momentous passing of time until now, December and 31st, the last day of 2017. (Thank God for the marking of time) 

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me!

In the days leading up to Christmas, I was literally dreading having to get out of the house and face people. Looking back at my planner, it is a blank and I can't remember much of those days either. Just that weariness and slight despair. Ah, I know why. Emotional week it was, with 3 deaths of people I know/relatives of people I know. And with stuff happening at work. And so many things to settle for camp and things I have to go for. Including camp, which was these daunting 5 days in which I have to be strong, to be loving, to be more than what I was ever feeling then.

But anyway. Cliché as it does sound every time, God does work beyond what we can imagine. 

Commissioned 2017 will probably always be special to me (but then each camp I have went for has that golden memory- like that Anntic and VCF FOC when I was in Exco that I also dreaded). 

I wrote this then during the time of soaking, as I looked out at the young people sitting before God, bowed heads, solemn faces, furrowed brows hinting at their stories with God-

Lord, You hold us. 

You hold us when we are angry at You

You hold us when we are weary

You hold us when people fail us

You hold us in our furious questions.

In the presence of an Almighty, yet invisible God: Could it be that we are afraid to face ourselves, and so not come before Your presence?

For His bright light reveals the dark and secret things of our hearts. 

This sounds weird, but I actually went to read through some of those 2017 posts. Was quite amazed at some of those lines I wrote (shameless as it sounds)-

To be 乖, if only to change broken systems. To learn humility and kairos, trust in God's sovereignty and absolutely good nature, to battle and advocate with a heart of wisdom. They Say Love is Pain-

Till We Have Faces also inspired much thought and reflection. Ever in awe of how C.S Lewis could redeem a Greek mythology to weave such a golden parable that doesn't even read like one. Reading this post reminds me that God hasn't answered a keenly prayed for and felt desire. But like Orual before the judge, before the Lord, before His face questions die away. 

Preparing to start work as one season of life ended- with apprehension at the task and at myself. I am thankful to say that even in the dreariness/most stressful days, I still see the purpose of my work. And work has taught me to appreciate the quiet space at home so much. 

Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Psalm 100:3

Indeed, the Shepherd leads us on. Some things experienced with heaviness of heart and resentment, are turned back to praise in You.

Thank You dear Abba Father, for another year of adventure with You.