chronicles of young

 Coming back to CoY (288 posts over about 15 years!), I just realised that this platform has taken me through my pimply adolescence through to arrive at adulthood. Where there is a growing realisation and acceptance that life is probably always gonna be tough and God has meant for that on this side of heaven.  I feel now though, an immense gratitude at how life turned out for me. Though the Author's pen is continuing to write the narrative, the chapters that have unfolded so far and how the story is (seems to be) going has me looking forward to the future.  My cup has the verse: "She looks forward to the future with joy." (Proverbs 31:25) The verse comes from the well-known passage on the "virtuous wife", but is more about the beauty of Wisdom.  I'm reflecting on a nudge to welcome another one to live in our home. That as I have called it Meno, to abide , as a vision for our home, that those who need nurturing and to be fed by God can come. It challenges my ...

(Title: God redeemed this wild child to be a 野子 for Him) Uber thankful for this Sabbath where I intentionally went offline though it is tough. So much that God deposited in me through talking to Him, 赞美之泉, reading, and now writing. Today was a beautiful day in church- warm shalom greetings after service (I chose to sit at the pews though my default is at the side), having kids so engaged as I read this lovely book of prayers, Bible study on Jesus' position on the Sabbath with the girls (I think friendship with Ju is at another level through doing this together), and fellowship with CG peeps. Pure gold moments :') Where I genuinely feel God's presence in the moment as I share and receive from others. Anyway, this passage from Platinga's Engaging God's World  that pushed me to write: "Compassion represents the death of our old self, with its emotional stinginess, and the birth of our new self, with its emotional generosity . The compassionate person uni...

This morning I read a rabbi's commentary on Chiune Sugihara- The Japanese Man Who Saved 6,000 Jews With His Handwriting . Deep emotions that cannot be expressed in words welled up into tears as what this man did was stored in my heart, the same heart that knows it is far from such (if his deeds sprung from faith) prophetic imagination. He brings to mind a tree. And a tree has been planted in memory of him at the Yad Vashem Holocaust Museum so it is fitting. He brings to mind a verse. "He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers." (Psalms 1:3)

I have been realising more and more how much the kindergarten Sunday School has taught me about faith and being. And as I intentionally have some quiet time with God, He linked all these together: "People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “ Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms,placed his hands on them and blessed them."  Mark 10:13-16 (NIV) This is a very dear bit of what Jesus said to me because in that few sentences He reminds me that the Father's world does not give a heck about attainment or prestige, but loves the seemingly weak and useless.  Throwback to today when I taught 2 active boys about physical and emotional ...

颠倒世界 好奇怪 有多坏 让我无法释怀 颠倒时代 盟国作战  蒙黑显白 颠倒耶利哥 七次吹角 城墙塌陷 颠倒福音 活出爱 国度来 让我们齐心代祷

Heavy on your heart Heavy on your soul Thinking there must be more than this You are not alone We can be broken together Cigarettes The taste of abandon 'Cause I promise you I'm a dreamer too Heavy on my heart Thinking there must be more than this When the party has ended And your young heart's full of nothing Let's get high on believing I can promise you Yes, I am a dreamer too Dreaming in broken reality If you're looking for a home You are not alone We can be builders too Let's get high on believing I can promise you Yes, I am a dreamer too Credits: Dreamer // Axwell & Ingrosso

It's a wonder I haven't written anything about wonder before this. Peebo reminded me again about how wonderful and wonder-full small things can be: Okay he's not exactly small but you get my point (right?). I scribbled down yesterday as I was struck again by that wonder after I had a long session with a youth: It's a wonder that I am allowed to touch lives and impact them like this. It's a wonder that these youths who have been through so much allow me to enter their personal world as they share.   What bravery and trust it must have taken. Who am I to ask all these probing questions? Such is the wonder at, and the wonder of social work that I think should be kept alive. It'll be a scary day when I look at social work and take it for granted. To take these stories for granted, to take such privileged access for granted.  We also do well to wonder at the everyday beauty around us- lady helping senior with her grocery up the slope, the tender care ...

Sitting at the window seat of National Gallery cafe now with the natural sunlight filling the whole space. Such moments like that echo of shalom.  Are they incompatible with the broken realities of the world? This question I have struggled with in my freshman year as I come face to face with human suffering and broken families.  I've thus far managed to come to a healthy (or so I think) tension where I know that shalom moments come by 'the slow, steady engagement with and practice of God's will' (Bruggemann, in Evangelism and Discipleship). Yet, have things become too convenient? For convenience is indeed the goal of the dominant culture.  There is no conclusion to this, for the corollary of the above statement is that because Christians called to the alternative of shalom, we are constantly reclaiming zones of alternative culture. In the same breath I thank God for the blessings I have at work, of very cherished friendships and exciting ...

News of the Rakhine being stuck in no-man's land between border guards and the Myanmese army made me want to know where this border is exactly. Sometimes the amount of bad news from the same places everyday makes things feel 'standard'. But no, part of our battle for the truth is that each piece of such news belies the lives of eternal souls. These souls have history of rich experiences, they can be so resilient, yet I can't ever imagine the trauma and its after-effects on them. I was looking at those borders between the nations. Looking at the map, I understood better why Italy and France have so many Libya and Algeria refugees. Borders are a de facto part of the world. We don't really question the fundamental anxiety that's driving each country to protect its borders, do we? I am part of the anxiety. Let the refugees in, and there will bound to be societal changes. Let the foreign workers come, but they are only acceptable if they meet our sector need...

清明时节雨纷纷，路上行人欲断魂。借问酒家何处有？牧童遥指杏花村。  好幽美的几句诗。 <subsequent images taken from the World Press Photo 2016 exhibition, gird yourself > A Slovenian police officer escorts refugees after they crossed from Croatia A strange kind of terrible beauty in this photo also. Ponomarev really composed it so beautifully; the horse bows its head, like how I'd imagine the hearts of the people. Yet the ethereal sunlight shines down on both the horseman and the people. Libyan refugees on an overcrowded dinghy wait as a MSF rescue ship approaches People cross into Turkey through a broken fence, near the official border crossing at Akçakale, Syria I stared at these nameless faces for a long time. And then I saw this. People run from water cannon fired by Turkish soldiers, to keep them away from border fences near Akçakale  And this.  A father cradles his lifeless daughter after a Syrian air raid And this. Adam. 7. Badly burned when bomb dropped by ...

Praise the LORD.  Forget not who He is, our Creator God and Abba Father, Who shows Himself faithful at every turn, Who weaves together strands in the tapestry of grace. Though my heart is shaken, it should not be moved, It's anchor held fast in firm assurance: our God reigns. O my soul, look to the Lord. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Selah Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion,  which cannot be shaken but endures forever (Psalm 125:1)  Return, my soul, to your sure Rest. He has chosen you to bear fruit that will last. Praise the LORD. I thank God for His providences and encouragement today. Had a hearty breakfast with whole-grain bread and cheese/kaya combo that I really liked, and reached school at 8.50am (wayyyy earlier than for 9am policy class which I am always slightly late for).  So I actually thought that Dr Irene Ng called me into her office to chide me about something (guilty conscience). B...

Ayeeee. It has been an eventful day. Actually I was in NUS the whole day like a boring but the conversations over WA/email were anything but. Of thankfulness, flipped back to the start of my current journal this morning and amazed at God's faithfulness in these short few months since December. Talking to my SW/life mentor about the upcoming lunchtime talk, about ministry in PGP, meeting Dr Calvin, even help from a senior for the policy project. He has blessed me with such wonderfully made people :') Of grief (and hope), a dear friend's uncle's passing. Reminded of my own aunt, my grandma too. Of joy and adventure. I just booked the ticket to Hanoi today whoop. To visit Hagar , an international NGO that engages with sex trafficking issues. Afterward I reflected, I actually haven't given much thought into this. Impulsive impulsive me I guess reframing you can say it is a kind of gung ho-ness but let me not get ahead of God. Of satisfaction, at the day's...

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear,  because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18 This verse was shared on two occasions today and I was reminded of how I had trouble believing in the first part of the verse. Indeed, a leaky vessel was I, receiving love because God is love but not being made perfect in love. To be wholly in that loving obedience to the Father as Jesus Christ is. Was fighting back the urge to weep when we sang It is Our Father's World just now, after we prayed for Gambia, for USA, for the nations and people groups on our hearts. It is Your world, Abba, which You are reconciling to Yourself. In that place, I read Romans 8:15-39 aloud. And I prayed, for a different kind of prayer to sound from this place. In trust shall I pray, and where words may fail me 'the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will'. It has been a blessed day.

It's the 4am epiphany again. I am very glad that this time it was for Glory Presbyterian Church. Pretty sure my proposal will be taken favorably, excited to see what happens. Thank you, Father, You have let me do what I wanted to do. On more trivial things, I discovered another time capsule while searching for those One Piece name stickers I got made eons ago (don't know why I suddenly got reminded of their existence). Introspection is my nature, I am sure of that now.  The closest reason is (2) it was really a pleasant surprise. Jolted my memories of a more awkward Kang back in Secondary 2, still needy for friends' affirmations, trying to fit into the cool kids gang. Those were the days of Neoprints, junk food at JEC, altercations with people (including once with Newtown Secondary kids lol).   I really thank God for preserving me. Not only that, He has added so much to me such that my 'priorities' have been fulfilled, even though He was way ...

Usually as years draw to an end, wistfulness and bittersweet memories lead me into a reflective mood. This year has been quite different; as I review the year and FB reminds me that exactly one year ago I was on the plane back to Singapore reading cards from my dear friends, I have a quiet joy. Lord, you have been faithful and good.  Majodi Centre | Anntic 2016 Unshakeable Yesterday morning as I nursed a cup of coffee under the vast expanse of cottony clouds, I made a recommitment to God: To continue loving recklessly, enabled by the Spirit. As God is love and I am of God, let me participate in this divine hospitality that condescends to be where we are. 2017 would be a change-filled one, personally and in the ministries I'm in (hopefully). I'm expecting days of intense emotions, of perplexity and of clarity of purpose, of intimacy with God and of temptation towards atheism, of good days and of terrible ones. Through it all, it is well. Indeed, it is well with my s...

"I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24b)- the cry of a father begging Jesus to heal his possessed son. The past week has been difficult emotionally. I am exasperated at emotionality, (yet the prayer Break my heart for what breaks Yours is surely pleasing to You, Abba Father), at how weak I am, at how self-glorifying I am. I have realised, unbelief is also a temptation. Is God really real? What has a baby born in a blip of time in Israel got to do with us today? Is God really working in this world? These questions came up and I guess they gave me an excuse to slip into despair which is terrible, but perhaps easier to confront then the task of faith and trust in God's working, together with it's call to obedience. How do I engage the world? How do we, as Christian university students in Singapore, studying <insert major/discipline> engage the world we live in? I know, from personal experience and Christian counsel- I can't address all,...

In the Altai Mountains, Bayan-Ulgii, Mongolia I don't know why, these past 2 weeks have been filled with so much emotional thinking, which translated to a compulsion to create content. The mountains. There is a felt heartache as I look at pictures of them. I long to be in the mountains again. Why though, I was asking myself. I am a city girl who failed her physical fitness test because she lacked the stamina to complete the 2.4km run. But the mountains, they stir in me a sense of quiet, almost-sad joy and a feeling of connectedness. In the mountains, I find that I rather be alone or not talk. There is a sense of theophany perhaps. Shepherding the yaks In my second time in Mongolia, I hiked through the forest of trees and settled on a plateau. There are no photos of the mountains I saw because I had intentionally left my handphone behind. I sat there, alone, for maybe a hour. Just singing hymns, gazing out at the mountains and letting my heart be filled. So so tha...

This week has been one of tensed shoulders, little sleep, anxiety, distressing thoughts at whether I might be developing anxiety issues or being able to cope with the year ahead or how people will see me or whether I am going to do anything worthwhile. Standing at the edge of it on the other side, I want to look back and remember. Sorry if this post quite hard to read because I am actually going to finish this up asap so that I can spend more time alone with God. (Perhaps that is also one reason for the anxiety- I am a worrier I realised, needing to make sure I am things ahead in control) I get quite distressed reading the news. I want to move on, but at the same time I cannot because these are lives. The 80000 Mexicans that died through the violent drug wars are lives.I think, they are probably not saved. And so I cry out... and I feel like there's so much to do but I am so weak. Even prayer and intercession, I struggle with that for these people I read in the news. So I am fe...

In all honesty I remembered being quite sian during the ExCo meeting when they decided that I should be the ex-officio for the freshmen orientation camp. At that point I was like gah, I need to go attend all their meetings and stuff. Today's QT reading really spoke to me- king Hezekiah's prayer after his illness and recovery in Isaiah 38. The themes of God not answering when you cry out, God being the one who afflicts, God working in ways so contrary to who He says He is, and a man's anguish at all this. "I waited patiently till dawn, but like a lion he broke all my bones; day and night you made an end of me" (v13) "But what can I say? He has spoken to me, and he himself has done this. I will walk humbly all my years because of this anguish of my soul. Lord, by such things men live; and my spirit finds life in them too." (v15-16a) "Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish" (v17a) There was a breakthrough during this c...

This was typed during the family trip to Hokkaido; felt like I should just publish it without too much editing-  The petty squabble Articulation of my innermost thoughts that I kept almost hidden from myself. self-righteously judging these people but only realising that I agreed when these thoughts were verbalised. The lone ladies in pink jackets waiting by the roadside. The chiselled figures in tight fitting pants at the tourist spot. The two ladies with their bunny tops Old legs can't walk Caught in between mother and daughter Can a mother and daughter not be able to spend even 5 minutes together? What happened between them I wonder. Hardness of mouth, hearts not seeing the concern behind the scolding words. No country for old men (and women). Thankful for the jacket against the cold wind. Thankful for the pat on the back. The chocolates (but somehow I feel bad taking them because I feel like I deserved it) Thank God for heart and eyes- that break and tender be ...