chronicles of young

原谅我这一生不羁放纵爱自由。  真的。  但是，里面还是搏斗着。  “一个不平凡的人啊！ 难得难得，要是你是男孩子就会比较理想。因为，女孩子会有一点点不方便。” 原谅我这一生不羁放纵爱自由。 也会怕有一天会跌倒。 I attempt to twist my hands free from the firm grasp on my wrists- it hurt when I struggled. I never liked how I can't seem to be trusted to cross the traffic lights myself.  My dress rode up a bit as I started to pedal the Obike. 他们一定骂我的。穿这样骑脚踏车！Yet there was a strange satisfaction in that act itself.  Maybe that's why, I want to travel solo so badly. 原谅我这一生不羁放纵爱自由。 I really cannot help it. //On brighter things: Watercolour inspired by the Amdo Tibetan print on the handmade Tibetan pouch - the seemingly lone flowers are linked together in a bigger tapestry. Proverbs 3:19-20 before me while I painted: "By wisdom the LORD laid the earth's foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place; by his knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew."

This should be for when I feel like I am not going anywhere, not making any difference, or not doing enough where I am in social work. 蜻蜓/pepatung/dragonfly 荷叶孤浮水面上， 带着莲花之盼望。  水底海草蜻蜓迷，  放纵自己去探索。    The most part of this month was grappling with wanting to be free.   Free to do what, and from what? To do what I want, both in social justice and interfaith work and what-not to change the world, and more frivolous stuff like going where I want when I want (i.e. alone). To be free from being bound to imperfect systems- in my mind operationalised as getting told what to do regardless of whether I choose to or not. (But the root of it is, I realise, I hate getting told what to do especially when I feel like it constrains the create-tive use of my time) Are you truly free?  For what seemed like a long struggle, I didn't want to accept that in many senses, I am not free to do as I please. Resentment would be riled up when I perceived that my time...

I was still toying with the idea of taking my brother's bike out for an adventure while on the way back from hiking with the parents. The next morning when I woke up it occurred to me that I had already cycled around Hainan (on the main roads with the cars/motorbikes!). That sealed it, I'm going! This time, parents were duly informed (though not of the plan to cycle till Pandan Reservoir; didn't know I could make it that far too). I'm a naughty kid I know. What I really wanted to say was, how enjoyable it was to cycle with the rain beating down on my skin. I was thoroughly drenched after 1/3 of my first leg up to Chinese Garden. I felt really carefree. Though there was the saddle pain. Felt it keenly when cycling through the pouring rain along the straight canal path with my thighs feeling like they were gonna fail me. Less so, but felt it when admiring the post-rain glistening Jurong lake and pine trees (?). Saddle pain in Macs when basking in the post accom...

The transformation was complete when I added the green sash to my Nepalese outfit. I was ready to be open and friendly like my friends were.  It was an awesome awesome night. Singing Angels We Have Heard on High, dancing freestyle mimicking the other two's graceful movements, laughing with Adarsh. Just basking in the joy of Christmas, singing Gloria in excelsis Deo and meaning every single line. There is just so much to give thanks and praise to God for. Thank You once again for this Christmas which reminds us of how Your great salvation was in the form of a baby. Jesus, Son of God deigns to step down from His heavenly throne to dwell among sinful man. For this reason, my soul shouts: Alleluia!  I felt so free just dancing like that, enjoying my body, enjoying my movements, enjoying the attention, and the flow between those dancing. Never felt like this before. This must be a bit of what Heaven feels like, no barriers and no strangers. Praise God for the glorious...