Unbelief
"I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24b)- the cry of a father begging Jesus to heal his possessed son.
The past week has been difficult emotionally. I am exasperated at emotionality, (yet the prayer Break my heart for what breaks Yours is surely pleasing to You, Abba Father), at how weak I am, at how self-glorifying I am.
I have realised, unbelief is also a temptation. Is God really real? What has a baby born in a blip of time in Israel got to do with us today? Is God really working in this world? These questions came up and I guess they gave me an excuse to slip into despair which is terrible, but perhaps easier to confront then the task of faith and trust in God's working, together with it's call to obedience.
How do I engage the world? How do we, as Christian university students in Singapore, studying <insert major/discipline> engage the world we live in? I know, from personal experience and Christian counsel- I can't address all, or even some of whatever is happening. I am not even as up to date with world news as my other friends.
But how, Lord. How? I see my everyday life, the lives of those around me- is this how we engage, a part of where we are at? I will sound very judgmental and hypocritical, and I know I am:
Talking about grades/modules/trips overseas/BGR, sometimes I feel like I am wasting time. Wasting time when refugees detained in Manus Island go literally crazy from being detained without any process of moving them out. Looking at how we buy things without thinking about the waste from the packaging that will be generated. How our Christian lives involves fellowship with CG etc that necessitates 'wasting time' doing fun stuff, involves stressing out over job applications, applying for internships/exchange, getting excited over traveling (oh God the carbon footprint and I'd still want to fly around)- I think I got exasperated thinking about how these feature so much in our lives and we'd never seem to think about it, or what I can do about it. Oh gosh, I got exasperated about having to talk to people, do admin stuff for Anntic, about fulfilling friendship duties.
It was this exasperation, coupled with a heavy dose of bad world news that fermented the unbelief. Aye, to have unshakeable faith in You! Thankful for the Christmas Eve and Christmas services, they remind me of the beauty that is here and not yet which made me want to weep.
The past week has been difficult emotionally. I am exasperated at emotionality, (yet the prayer Break my heart for what breaks Yours is surely pleasing to You, Abba Father), at how weak I am, at how self-glorifying I am.
I have realised, unbelief is also a temptation. Is God really real? What has a baby born in a blip of time in Israel got to do with us today? Is God really working in this world? These questions came up and I guess they gave me an excuse to slip into despair which is terrible, but perhaps easier to confront then the task of faith and trust in God's working, together with it's call to obedience.
How do I engage the world? How do we, as Christian university students in Singapore, studying <insert major/discipline> engage the world we live in? I know, from personal experience and Christian counsel- I can't address all, or even some of whatever is happening. I am not even as up to date with world news as my other friends.
But how, Lord. How? I see my everyday life, the lives of those around me- is this how we engage, a part of where we are at? I will sound very judgmental and hypocritical, and I know I am:
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| B., a Wall Street trader in Chicago |
It was this exasperation, coupled with a heavy dose of bad world news that fermented the unbelief. Aye, to have unshakeable faith in You! Thankful for the Christmas Eve and Christmas services, they remind me of the beauty that is here and not yet which made me want to weep.
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