chronicles of young

"Hevel, hevel, everything is utterly hevel" - book of Ecclesiastes Hevel is a Hebrew word which refers to vapor or smoke, rendering it in this context the dual meanings of ephemeral and a mystery/paradox. Questioning the meaninglessness of things, yet wanting 'real purpose' for my life, I went to the book of Ecclesiastes. The above has been in Draft mode since early December 2019, and now it is 2020. With much trepidation and an unusual amount of dread, I face the future of 2020. I guess that is made worse by the slew of Instagram posts welcoming 2020 but that is a separate issue about social comparison. Yet today's meetup with the Exco girls though filled with pregnant silences at times when we sit (I think) in our own musings about our lives, was soul-strengthening in a way, and I am reminded of the beauty of fellowship- grace that holds me fast 'amidst life's fearful path'. I am grateful for vision to be lifted, for validation in a way. Tha...

What a blessing to be able to hold all things loosely, even my very life. Though of course as stoic/ faith-full as I seem, doubts and lingering fears will probably stay with me throughout my life. Am I fully convinced of my eternal glorious life in heaven? Honestly, no. Yet I have enough faith and experience with God to know that Abba Father will bring me home, by grace. Thinking about death more recently as I prepare heart and mind to head to Nagaland. There is a risk to every adventure undertaken with God, yet how fun and joyful each one is with the Spirit's leading :) Putting this hymn here as a reminder- the trip will be definitely challenging and stretch my patience, love and everything nice (LOL). Yet God remains our common vision and on this foundation we stand together. Heart of my heart, whatever befall, still be my vision O Ruler of all. \\ What if I really die? Be still, child. I the LORD will bring you home and take care of the things back here.

(Title: God redeemed this wild child to be a 野子 for Him) Uber thankful for this Sabbath where I intentionally went offline though it is tough. So much that God deposited in me through talking to Him, 赞美之泉, reading, and now writing. Today was a beautiful day in church- warm shalom greetings after service (I chose to sit at the pews though my default is at the side), having kids so engaged as I read this lovely book of prayers, Bible study on Jesus' position on the Sabbath with the girls (I think friendship with Ju is at another level through doing this together), and fellowship with CG peeps. Pure gold moments :') Where I genuinely feel God's presence in the moment as I share and receive from others. Anyway, this passage from Platinga's Engaging God's World  that pushed me to write: "Compassion represents the death of our old self, with its emotional stinginess, and the birth of our new self, with its emotional generosity . The compassionate person uni...

"Inilah perkerjaan yang dikehendaki Allah iaitu supaya kamu percaya kepada Dia yang diutus-Nya." Yahya 6:29 Started off 2019 sick (from the 2 back-to-back camps in the last week of 2018), and unsure of where I'm heading in life for the new year. Of course, one can say that years, weeks and months are human constructs. I believe God has given us the gift of different seasons so that we can be refreshed and renewed- in vision and direction. This can be seen in nature anyway. The picture above is going to be an anchor for 2019- to follow Jesus in saying "I do nothing of my own will, but do the will of the Father." (John 6:38) I sense this year is going to have quite a bit of sacrifices- was that why God spoke much more clearly?- and yet, there is excitement and anticipation in this apprehension.

This morning I read a rabbi's commentary on Chiune Sugihara- The Japanese Man Who Saved 6,000 Jews With His Handwriting . Deep emotions that cannot be expressed in words welled up into tears as what this man did was stored in my heart, the same heart that knows it is far from such (if his deeds sprung from faith) prophetic imagination. He brings to mind a tree. And a tree has been planted in memory of him at the Yad Vashem Holocaust Museum so it is fitting. He brings to mind a verse. "He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers." (Psalms 1:3)

啊~ 又到了拜六，坐在上个礼拜坐的位置。  荣耀大君王， 欢迎你在我们中间。 你应许了我们，而且是远比我们敢想象或启求的。  真的是化腐朽为神奇，哈哈想到这是我的华文老师跟爸妈说她不能做的。你在我们里面成了奇迹，通过这些渺小胆怯的心灵动工。 好期待主日，Sunday School 后要和姐妹们 (haha literally; it's Mrs Yong and Dilys) 去吃韩国buffet :> 然后回家，静静地在主面前。又是一个充满福分的星期。  过后 | 贪吃记 在从小吃到大的咖啡店等爸妈，都说不饿。看到新开的中国拉面店，就叫了碗一起吃。妈妈说，没拿辣椒啊~ 我就去拿，不小心拿了一大把麻辣油，她竟然都搅进面里。惨了爸爸不吃了。  流了大把鼻涕，舌头麻到痛，不过吃到很爽： 走过香味肉干店，妈妈问，要吃豆沙饼吗？ 我说想吃旗子饼，那种没馅的。  啊！妈妈就走向我因为怕衅臭从来都没去过的店铺，那个五金店卖各种各样的饼干酥饼，看了很开心。两个贪吃婆好像眼看就满足了，没有旗子饼。又走到另一个店铺，那边暖暖的，因为她再磨花生，香味莫名令我快活。又是不同的粿，在那里终于有我们想吃的。Angku kueh <3 一边走一边吃的零食最好吃。咬一口，喂妈妈一口，一人一半感情不散。

Praise the LORD.  Forget not who He is, our Creator God and Abba Father, Who shows Himself faithful at every turn, Who weaves together strands in the tapestry of grace. Though my heart is shaken, it should not be moved, It's anchor held fast in firm assurance: our God reigns. O my soul, look to the Lord. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Selah Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion,  which cannot be shaken but endures forever (Psalm 125:1)  Return, my soul, to your sure Rest. He has chosen you to bear fruit that will last. Praise the LORD. I thank God for His providences and encouragement today. Had a hearty breakfast with whole-grain bread and cheese/kaya combo that I really liked, and reached school at 8.50am (wayyyy earlier than for 9am policy class which I am always slightly late for).  So I actually thought that Dr Irene Ng called me into her office to chide me about something (guilty conscience). B...

It's the 4am epiphany again. I am very glad that this time it was for Glory Presbyterian Church. Pretty sure my proposal will be taken favorably, excited to see what happens. Thank you, Father, You have let me do what I wanted to do. On more trivial things, I discovered another time capsule while searching for those One Piece name stickers I got made eons ago (don't know why I suddenly got reminded of their existence). Introspection is my nature, I am sure of that now.  The closest reason is (2) it was really a pleasant surprise. Jolted my memories of a more awkward Kang back in Secondary 2, still needy for friends' affirmations, trying to fit into the cool kids gang. Those were the days of Neoprints, junk food at JEC, altercations with people (including once with Newtown Secondary kids lol).   I really thank God for preserving me. Not only that, He has added so much to me such that my 'priorities' have been fulfilled, even though He was way ...

"I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24b)- the cry of a father begging Jesus to heal his possessed son. The past week has been difficult emotionally. I am exasperated at emotionality, (yet the prayer Break my heart for what breaks Yours is surely pleasing to You, Abba Father), at how weak I am, at how self-glorifying I am. I have realised, unbelief is also a temptation. Is God really real? What has a baby born in a blip of time in Israel got to do with us today? Is God really working in this world? These questions came up and I guess they gave me an excuse to slip into despair which is terrible, but perhaps easier to confront then the task of faith and trust in God's working, together with it's call to obedience. How do I engage the world? How do we, as Christian university students in Singapore, studying <insert major/discipline> engage the world we live in? I know, from personal experience and Christian counsel- I can't address all,...

I am writing this mostly out of a sense of rage. I feel angry. Very angry. This Monday I first learnt about this revolting phenomenon happening in rural India called the WhatsApp sex videos. This term is even a euphemism for the horrible,terrible, absolutely crazy, heart-twisting thing that is happening. On Monday when I read the BBC article because it was shared by a friend on FB, it was mostly okay. "Read it and weep" was the accompanying blurb my friend wrote. And I did. Before I read it I prayed, prayed that I will still see His Sovereign hand in this (depraved) world. Was then reminded of Isaiah 65: 17-25. "Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create, for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight and its people a joy. I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in my people; the sound of weeping and crying will be heard in it no ...

This week has been one of tensed shoulders, little sleep, anxiety, distressing thoughts at whether I might be developing anxiety issues or being able to cope with the year ahead or how people will see me or whether I am going to do anything worthwhile. Standing at the edge of it on the other side, I want to look back and remember. Sorry if this post quite hard to read because I am actually going to finish this up asap so that I can spend more time alone with God. (Perhaps that is also one reason for the anxiety- I am a worrier I realised, needing to make sure I am things ahead in control) I get quite distressed reading the news. I want to move on, but at the same time I cannot because these are lives. The 80000 Mexicans that died through the violent drug wars are lives.I think, they are probably not saved. And so I cry out... and I feel like there's so much to do but I am so weak. Even prayer and intercession, I struggle with that for these people I read in the news. So I am fe...

Nursing a quarter cup of cold milk to calm my gnawing stomach and hopefully I will sleep better later. Doesn't help that my heart is palpitating from both the caffeine and what God has placed upon me tonight. So. I have been elected into the 63rd Exco of NUS VCF, as Outreach Coordinator (OC). It is a position that is aligned to what I am passionate for and which I want VCF to grow more in. But all this is on hindsight. I shall retrace back to when something imperceptibly shifted, and detail it so that I can look back (Hi future Kang reading this) and remember that which will start me on this cray journey that has already begun. So I was praying for VCF AGM for sometime, fuzzy vague idea about who was being elected but just praying that the Exco will be united in love and grow the ministry. Yesterday as I was praying for AGM, I had this idea that I was going to be nominated as OC. My response was like Oh well, okay up to You God, while dismissing the thought because I am like ...

“Each day, we wake slightly altered, and the person we were yesterday is dead. So why, one could say, be afraid of death, when death comes all the time?” - John Updike Particularly struck by this. So true for me, for as I wake, it is with vestiges of yesterday that influences my feelings about today and yet the self has been changed by what was. Before today is done, want to do a short post to remember today. Nothing spectacular, just another ordinary day. Well, I had my final paper for year 3, and that marks the end of this semester which somehow feels special because it is the semester after exchange where I have been altered so much. And my year 4 friends have graduated and that will be me in one year's time. Ambivalent feels. Anyway. I was just praying this morning and getting distracted while studying thinking that after the paper I will let God lead me to wherever/whomever. But obviously because it is the norm to go out and celebrate the end of the semester with friends...

The exhilaration was real, The feelings were real,  I thought to myself, Where will all these go. I hid the Christ in me, And threw myself into the potent pool,  Yes enjoyed myself for a moment still. Chasing the wind everyday, Knowing that it was not the way, Running in circles, Refusing to be gathered. The cost is real, The feelings are real, But the goal is greater still. So Abba I pray, Keep me close. 

Today was in school at the unearthly hour of 7.45am, to start the first shift of Directions booth. Think it was the lack of sleep these past few days; I had a fleeting existential crisis when my Dad announced that it was time to wake up. So I was just there, thinking I will make the most of this long 'unproductive' time but not really expecting much. Had a pretty good time getting to know fellow VCFers and also! telling Nathene about my idea to get the whole CG to support a child through school + pray intentionally for him/her through Care Channels International. But the highlight was really engaging this freshie who needed to get somewhere for an interview. She was sweaty from walking (I think) and seemed rather flustered. Just really thankful that we had a good conversation during our 5 minutes walk to her destination, aside from the fact that I helped her in a tangible way. I'm not sure where it will lead (if it is even in my place to see where this will lead), bu...

The theme of these past 4 days in Shang Hai. No coincidences with God; 1 Corinthians 8 was my QT reading as I held on to my luggage on the near-empty morning train. "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." Some thoughts before I knock out: 1. Was struggling with whether I should make this blog private or at least remove its link from my FB (which I had put in vain intentions in the first place).  2. But the purpose of this blog now is really to edify people- that my walk with God can encourage and spur other Christians on towards love and good deeds, and be a testimony to those who have yet to know Christ. 3. But but but, other than my dear friends Clemmy, Jas and Bennie if you know me personally and are reading this now please please don't discuss any of the blog's content with me. Thanks. (This is meant to be an absolute, non-negotiable request: please give my autonomous face) 4. Other than that, I am fine with being out in the open. Not ...

Another semester of school is ending soon, and as I reflect on this semester, the chorus of Written in the Stars (Westlife, not Tenie Tempah) rang so true: When I look at my life, how the pieces fall into place, it just wouldn't rhyme, without You At my very core, You satisfy me Lord. And You have taught me to truly delight in You and You only this semester. When I so desperately wanted friends, not to bless them but rather to have people to eat lunch with so I won't worry about eating lunch alone in school, to cafe hop with, to take nice pictures with, You did not give it to me. Instead, You showed me how self-centred I am. Then, when I told You, I must centre myself on You so please help me to- You gave me company when I needed it. I found that I was a better friend, and much more assured in the friendships I have. When I see how my path, seem to end up before Your face When I asked to be rooted deeper in church, You showed me that again, fellowship is God-centred:...

It went from- okay I will sit through this one hour- to this stirring of affections as I am called back to live by the Spirit, reminded that my groaning is a witness of my salvation. It ends off with the awesome promise to us as children of God- being heirs to all creation, the redeemed creation. Claiming God's promises is a struggle because I often doubt the very existence of God. 'How can you be sure, really sure, that you are not deluding yourself?' As Paul states: "If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men." (1 Corinthians 15:19, NIV) I cannot see, yet I hope. Perhaps the being sure of this hope is a lifelong process. #soulfood

/pəːsɪˈvɪər(ə)ns/ "Continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation."  Oh for grace to trust Him more! And I know that He is with me, will be with me to the end. Tomorrow I start my field placement in a family service centre proper. I really really thank God that He has mercifully provided a strong Christian that loves and seeks Him as my partner, and that this centre meets at 8.30am everyday for prayers.  Bleary eyes, slow mind- can't get some eloquence out now so I'll keep it short. I'm reminded of this victorious life to which I entered when Christ took hold of me.  And though this world, with devils filled,  Should threaten to undo us, We will not fear, for God has willed His truth to triumph through us. The prince of darkness grim, We tremble not for him- His rage we can endure, For lo! His doom is sure; One little word shall fell him (And that word is the Word of God) Martin Luther King "Not that...

explanation: inspiration: conclusion: "But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life."  1 Timothy 1:16