chronicles of young

Uninhibited bitching about my internal examiners especially the chair lol. Idk if this is gonna make me feel better and I also want to qualify that I do see validity in their points (some of them). Yesterday I made a memo about seeing their comments as invaluable in improving my work and that I can use them to grow professionally in how to take feedback constructively... But today I am feeling indignant again as I try to work on their comments.  Ask me how I feel after the viva, I feel disappointment, weariness, even shame. These feelings were all masked by my tiredness from not having enough physical rest, and also the positive aspect that was well-meaningly emphasised.  But gosh. Thinking back about how the two internal examiners reacted to my responses to their incessant drilling made me feel so shameful and unworthy, and now I feel very angry toward them. Especially when I try to work on their comments, and I feel like HELLO I have already put some of these points down, di...

在飞云之下 我看着海峡 走月光沙滩 我也承认我还是会想他 且慢 前面听说风很大 在飞云之下 以为忘了的家 在耳里说话 叫我别烦心那些痛与怕 喔 半路上的我 穿上回忆和风沙 I was 30 mins late for work because I lost track of time venting through the pastels btw. There is really that delinquent side of me that screams F**K THIS ALL!!! some times. Yet, even as I started on this and reflected on how much better I felt- I could hear Mr Rogers' fatherly voice saying: Only you know how you are feeling and what you are thinking. You can talk about your feelings to people you love. 前面风很大，还没有比我的 神大。 23 Sep It would be a lie to say that I am good. My soul is affected by these happenings, though I am surprised that I am surprised at how these could ever happen. I broke on Monday when the sheer yearning for God's perfected kingdom combined with the deep realisation of how broken I am, how broken the team is, how broken the organisation is. That was a good beautiful kind of brokenness I guess. More often than not, the hardness of heart and pride wraps up the G...

-well darling let's hurt tonight. If this love is pain then darling let's love tonight~ (Let's Hurt Tonight, OneRepublic) Painted this today morning against the background music of Sinking Deep/I Need You Now/Broken Vessels. A fountain. The three that remain: Faith, Hope and Love. Leaves of tree for the healing of nations. Now that I have gotten things off my chest, I feel more at peace. Thank you, Evan. Thank You, Father for this mentor who is so similar to me, both in angst and in passion. I almost cried when she shared about Rev.Yap used to ask "Why you so not 乖?" Really thank You, Lord, for You reminded me about my third resolution to spur my spiritual family towards love and good works. I know You would desire a willing heart more than a person with abilities. Empty empty all these things, without love. So many points I felt like crying when talking to Evan. About the love for and angst over church, when she asked me what did I think God wants me t...