chronicles of young

 I realised I felt sad through the praise offering songs- the poignant lyrics made me cry. Yearning for the day without strife and striving amidst this world of evil and sin- crying on the stories shared yesterday, crying on how we fought over what is supposedly (and is, I guess) a good thing of serving others. Perhaps more crying on the dis-shalom that is our task, and yet the helplessness we have in our own puny strength and weak natures.  "God, I need strength to sing a new song"- halfway through singing my voice trailed off- I felt so weak to sing a fresh praise and trust into the situation, believing that God is truly working all things for good and that hope will be realized. After this phase of realising I felt sad, moved on to anger (haha musing whether this is stage-wise thing like grief). I feel angry! Angry thoughts about the situation and maybe at myself for "not being able to say certain things to rebutt" in that instance. Seems like the inner adult is ...

Tung Ping Chau, 2015 A random reflection that walking from place to place is like an intentional resistance to our modern culture of efficiency and desire for constant engagement. I realise that in recent years I tend to pack my day to fit in the various things. Which in itself is not evil, and yet too many of these kind of days actually hollows my (our) soul(s). We are not created to function on autopilot, but to feel and glorify God in all that we do. Today was the first Saturday in awhile that I had the whole day largely unplanned- just cousin's housewarming and then my parents and I had a deliciously free day full of things we could explore. We walked so much, and I really enjoyed that I didn't need to check the time to go off elsewhere. Just being present and enjoying the present. A ray of shalom I guess. And yet to remain in the tension- not yet. Was quite grieved when Mum flat outright refused to even look at the evangelistic booklet left at our door.

( Writing this the morning after caffeine-induced high at night; I don't doubt that God also used last night to speak into my life ) Those verses came to mind as I was praying for Mongolia, which led me to pray for the different ethnos as well. And I was suddenly filled with that deep longing and a deep sense of vision, as I envisioned awesome sights of each unique ethnos bringing gifts that reflect their culture and God's glory into the city of God. I think this is the source of my attraction to tribes and cultures different from my own. That first encounter with Mongolia awakened that sometimes troubling attraction. Is it just wanderlust and the desire to be 'free', or romanticised attraction?  This morning, it hit me that I was going into another city, with its different people groups. How can I work for the shalom of this city? Where the fruits of nature are fruitfully employed, and there is universal (mutual) flourishing, wholeness. 1 I don't know...

"May God bless you with a restless discomfort about easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart. May God bless you with holy anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may tirelessly work for justice, freedom, and peace among all people. May God bless you with the gift of tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, or the loss of all that they cherish, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy. May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you really can make a difference in this world, so that you are able, with God’s grace, to do what others claim cannot be done." 不是莫名的感动，而是因 神而感动。The past 3 days at The Oikos have been nostalgic, somewhat convicting but more reminding of my vision. Especially when B. excitedly reminded me that we had first met on the streets when ...

One year old, and one year older, as I reflect on the week, I still very much like my job.  Definitely not the interpersonal stress part though that has taught me some. Maybe not the needing to lead and put thought into developing people, though that process has changed my beliefs and attitudes towards mentoring.  Definitely yes: The colleagues I can call friends, and not only that! Who willingly take photos like the above because they know my irrelevance and roll with it.  But still, a belated reply to my colleague who asked earnestly: How do you always stay happy? I see you always look so happy in the office.   When she asked that I just came out of my 3rd engagement in 3 hours so I was zonked and couldn't manage a decent reply. (So I became irrelevant hahaha) Now that I think about the answer, it is quite funny that I thought of myself as more moody/emo. I was really surprised when a good friend described me as optimistic slightly m...

Bethel. Who would have expected that God will draw a song out of me? Keeping a memory of it raw, as it is. Such is the creative action from the Creator, reflected in me the created. Indeed, the glory of God is man fully alive (Irenaeus).  The wind blows where it pleases, The Spirit breezes, teases, kisses, Leads us to a place of rest and resting. Just resting, in God. In God, the Father. The wind blows where it pleases,  The Spirit leads us to places, With rest and abounding graces. We bring, we bring,  A wind of peace. We bring, we bring, A breath of life. The Spirit breezes, teases, kisses, And people come, and people come, Together, as one. The wind blows where it pleases. Dreams. They surface again when I clear my mind junk field. A downloading from the Spirit? I envision a space where people come to enjoy coffee or quaint teas, have a slow meal. Sit at the window seat, with sunlight filtering through, watch the du...

I'm really quite zapped after having a super intense conversation which happened after a long day of team bonding. But writing these down to process my emotions and thoughts (one advice on how to use my top strength which is Intellection) I am not a team person. I am self-centered and if I were not a Christian I would be one major asshole. Yet today as Psalm 46 was read for devotions, I choked when it came to me to read verse 3. Angry, indignant of how I perceived the Psalm was used like that to apply to the pending upheaval and to smoothen things in the team. And then broken also. Broken because P. rightly, very edifyingly pointed out that everyone in the team has mostly good intentions. Broken because of my own resistance as I closed off and retreated into my self-centered state.  Also because v4 is something I hold close to me (that's personal): "Ada sebatang sungai yang alirannya akan menggembirakan kota Allah, tempat suci khemah Yang Maha Tinggi." A rive...

LSP is peeking out behind night sky Christmas is 23 days away! Strangely quite excited. Not because I have anything planned on Christmas day, but now that I think about it, the entire season and its feels.  Don't we all have moments where everything feels in sync, where you feel so congruent with where you are and what you are doing there and then? I had many such moments during the 2015 Christmas month-  Choruses of Gloria in excelsis Deo in what feels like perfect harmony as we stood under the highway named euphemistically "Downtown" Dancing in Nepalese traditional clothes at Temple Street Hikes with friends And in 2016 too; though it was a more subdued mood and I wasn't thinking about Christmas at all-  Like the day when I cried when listening/singing "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" and yearning for shalom The mornings and nights at Anntic  December this year is gonna be busy and tiring I expect...

Sitting at the window seat of National Gallery cafe now with the natural sunlight filling the whole space. Such moments like that echo of shalom.  Are they incompatible with the broken realities of the world? This question I have struggled with in my freshman year as I come face to face with human suffering and broken families.  I've thus far managed to come to a healthy (or so I think) tension where I know that shalom moments come by 'the slow, steady engagement with and practice of God's will' (Bruggemann, in Evangelism and Discipleship). Yet, have things become too convenient? For convenience is indeed the goal of the dominant culture.  There is no conclusion to this, for the corollary of the above statement is that because Christians called to the alternative of shalom, we are constantly reclaiming zones of alternative culture. In the same breath I thank God for the blessings I have at work, of very cherished friendships and exciting ...

Hoan Kiem Lake Hari ini Jumaat Baik. What a strange sounding translation of Good Friday. It is also strange that I am in Hanoi instead of Good Friday service. Listening to the intermittent honks from the traffic below our hotel and watching the sunlight slowly suffuse the 'therapeutic' room as Jas described. Dua kawan-kawan aku masih nyenyak tidur, seperti semua baik di bumi. Good Friday meningkatkan aku tentang Yesus Kristos terseksa di Calvary. Thinking about it I realised that sufferings and sorrows are often reflected back to joy, in the Lord. Joy of a deeper kind, leaning on the full weight of assurance in a heartrendingly glorious eternity with our Creator. Manusia kesengsaraan... Let my heart be broken but not despair. I have come to see happiness with a tinge of sorrow, like the people sleeping in the streets even as I was really happy to be exploring places with my dear friends (I counted four in the short 2 hours we were out yesterday). And on ...

Before them social workers descend  The convergence of social workers and social service professionals was such a joy to experience today- a large part was reconnecting with a whole bunch of people I got to know through these past 3+ years. Guan Zhen (she just sprang up to hug me awww T.T the laughter of joy from her), Joanne (she was from my VRU internship wayyy long ago before I started in NUS), Fiona (two of them!), and a lot of SW seniors. The thought crossed my mind especially when I saw some people walking out to take calls (emergency client case?), doing work on their laptops during the dialogue (tsk tsk we never outgrow this multitasking right): How are each one of them doing with their baggage of life stories? Read Psalm 90 on Monday and the first half (v1-10) reminded me that sorrows are a given for life on earth. That question was actually thrown out because I was having a lot of fun including almost getting my fingers put into a very cute baby's mouth :> I...