chronicles of young

"我祈禱擁有一顆透明的心靈 和會流淚的眼睛"  <夜空中最亮的星> The rest of the lyrics are unrelated; just putting this song here also as a sound memory for the precious times on the road in KL, talking about random stuffs over Chinese songs. The beauty of carefree youth :') But just as the 14-day stay home after the KL trip reminds me that things aren't about me, I know that it's childishly unloving to remain in the rose-tinted memories of past adventures. Yet, I believe that this adventure-loving, foolhardy part of me has also been very helpful in pushing me to just try something, as long I believed in it enough at the start. But playing on a harder mode each time, God. Let my heart of worship be there when all is stripped away, and I feel like the end of myself. Almost a quarter of 2020 gone. Somehow I feel like this year is so much more trying than all the other years I can remember in my life. I felt like I had lost a bit of that excited, risk-taking self, and in its...

"O GOD, I bless thee for the happy moment when I first saw    thy law fulfilled in Christ,    wrath appeased,    death destroyed,    sin forgiven,    my soul saved. Ever since, thou hast been faithful to me;    daily have i proved the power of Jesus' blood,    daily have I known the strength of the Spirit,         my teacher, director, sanctifier. I want no other rock to build upon than that I have,    desire no other hope than that of gospel truth,    need no other look than that which gazes on the cross. Forgive me if I have tried to add anything to the one foundation,                    if I have unconsciously relied upon my knowledge,                          experience, deeds and not seen them as filthy rags,           ...

This week has been one of tensed shoulders, little sleep, anxiety, distressing thoughts at whether I might be developing anxiety issues or being able to cope with the year ahead or how people will see me or whether I am going to do anything worthwhile. Standing at the edge of it on the other side, I want to look back and remember. Sorry if this post quite hard to read because I am actually going to finish this up asap so that I can spend more time alone with God. (Perhaps that is also one reason for the anxiety- I am a worrier I realised, needing to make sure I am things ahead in control) I get quite distressed reading the news. I want to move on, but at the same time I cannot because these are lives. The 80000 Mexicans that died through the violent drug wars are lives.I think, they are probably not saved. And so I cry out... and I feel like there's so much to do but I am so weak. Even prayer and intercession, I struggle with that for these people I read in the news. So I am fe...