chronicles of young

More reflections in the face of looming deadline (15 Aug, and actually I can plead 1 week extension or not submit the 'best', will get to that later on) + fast BPM and tense shoulders, locked left jaw signaling anxiety. I feel sorry to my body- "Thank you for sticking in it through in there"- I hope my body receives this. Feels a bit like bad time management to be writing this in the face of work- but I know it works, and I lean into the part of me that sees that my 'success' thus far has been to do what might seem counter-intuitive. On top of the emotional turbulence from the conflict and consequent perception of relationship fall-out that I am trying to calm (not too badly), yesterday I had to meet with a young child in emotional distress. Asking God why lol, does He really think I have the capacity to deal with all these? I will have the eventual victory; He is sovereign through it all- waiting on this. He was crying so hard, the fight for connection I felt

 I realised I felt sad through the praise offering songs- the poignant lyrics made me cry. Yearning for the day without strife and striving amidst this world of evil and sin- crying on the stories shared yesterday, crying on how we fought over what is supposedly (and is, I guess) a good thing of serving others. Perhaps more crying on the dis-shalom that is our task, and yet the helplessness we have in our own puny strength and weak natures.  "God, I need strength to sing a new song"- halfway through singing my voice trailed off- I felt so weak to sing a fresh praise and trust into the situation, believing that God is truly working all things for good and that hope will be realized. After this phase of realising I felt sad, moved on to anger (haha musing whether this is stage-wise thing like grief). I feel angry! Angry thoughts about the situation and maybe at myself for "not being able to say certain things to rebutt" in that instance. Seems like the inner adult is