"Hevel, hevel, everything is utterly hevel" - book of Ecclesiastes

Hevel is a Hebrew word which refers to vapor or smoke, rendering it in this context the dual meanings of ephemeral and a mystery/paradox.

Questioning the meaninglessness of things, yet wanting 'real purpose' for my life, I went to the book of Ecclesiastes.

The above has been in Draft mode since early December 2019, and now it is 2020. With much trepidation and an unusual amount of dread, I face the future of 2020. I guess that is made worse by the slew of Instagram posts welcoming 2020 but that is a separate issue about social comparison.

Yet today's meetup with the Exco girls though filled with pregnant silences at times when we sit (I think) in our own musings about our lives, was soul-strengthening in a way, and I am reminded of the beauty of fellowship- grace that holds me fast 'amidst life's fearful path'. I am grateful for vision to be lifted, for validation in a way. That life really isn't meant to routinized/settled, but unsettled discomfort might just be where one can be when doing what is difficult. (Writing this at the risk of making it seem like I am doing a lot)

What is that which can last, that has meaning and purpose that doesn't collapse on us when we lean on it? That essentially is the question that the Teacher in Ecclesiastes was trying to find an answer to. It is a very shag lifelong lesson to truly imbibe in my spirit that apart from the unchanging God, everything is hevel. And that everything in God, though hevel, finds meaning/purpose. (I had to pause and read through the previous sentence to think if it really made sense and I truly believed it.)

Me in 2020 seemed much less self-assured and certain about herself. Which isn't a bad thing because there is so much that is unreliable in me. In this, I pray for greater certainty in God and His abiding love. May I take myself less seriously, be content to cede control and not pine for 'past glories', rejoice better with people - all these and more as I grow surer of Your loving hand in my life, Lord.

:) Thankful to be able to finally condense something into a post to remind myself. Thankful for you, reader and friend, for journeying with me.