chronicles of young

View from my favorite CLB corner seat ""Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless." What does a man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun?" (Ecclesiastes 1:2b-3, NIV) As I was about to type how I woke up with this hollowed feeling, I remembered that this is not new. Old question recently surfaced: What am I doing? Like really, what am I achieving? I don't want to create a system of redemption for myself by rushing to do stuff and making myself needed. Which I know I cannot without God anyway. This season is really one of humility (I sincerely hope it is) and praying. More observable is the focus on relationships- family and friends. Yet there's this huge part. I am insecure. And when that happens, sometimes I don't know if I am meeting my own needs or others. (Wow I didn't expect this to come out. I was just going to type about living ordinary days.) But yes, that's part of an ordinary day. To daily ask for gr...

A friend's post about how she had less than a dollar in her bank account and how she has to work for her university education reminded me of how privileged I am. In this Friday's seminar we did the Privilege Walk and I was ahead of so many of my friends. Standing there, I felt the social distance. If I am guilty about privilege, it would be because I took so many of them for granted, they ceased to feel like privileges to me. Especially not having to work for your university education which can be such a pain in the ass sometimes- I can't imagine the double pain my friends feel, working for something that they don't like. Even being able to look for internships, and not caring whether they paid or not. As I mentally listed all the other privileges I have, I realised the extent of my privilege. One of them is travelli ng | Hainan, 海瑞墓 This semester which is ending in exactly 2 weeks' time has been one of the best. Which is utterly surprising given that it s...

Friday I start with my childhood best friend, because she defined most of my life. From primary school till even JC when my childhood best friend was in a different school, I have always felt defined by her. She had such a big personality which you either loved or hated, and I kinda faded beside her. I really wanted to be accepted and liked then, especially by her and the few friends that we hung out with.I wouldn't deny those were fun times. From disturbing guys we had crushes on and cracking jokes about sexuality in primary school, to taking so many neoprints at JEC and lying about having projects in school when I came home late, and jointly venting our anti-elitist judgements on the people in NJC and HCI over fries at KAP (That was mainly in my first year of JC). But you know the feeling when a party has ended and you are going home alone in the quiet night? Often, I would so desperately want to be known and make myself known. And yet I couldn't, because I didn't q...

I never really liked Joy from Inside Out, as perky as she was all the time. Maybe precisely because she is perky no matter what. Having to do a programme with Inside Out as the theme, I had analyse and rewatch the movie scenes. The identification sometimes hit too close. The part where Riley finds that things between Meg and her have changed, where Goofy Island crumbled, where Friendship Island crumbled. It was quite ironic, because a main part of the programme was teaching the siblings of special needs children to think positively. Thoughts,feelings and behaviours are interconnected and affect each other. I can choose to think positive thoughts which can change the way I feel about a situation. And there I was, like Riley. Where is the joy? It was a daily question I had to consciously answer when I woke up in the morning. An almost-bitter chew but left a sweet aftertaste that lasted. This (short, now that I reflect on hindsight) period of wretchedness is good for me. I don't know ...

The goodbyes were in order.  First WY and Hilda, then church, followed by ICM (oh gosh I really miss those life-ly bunch), then KH and NY (missing them already).  Was kinda sad-confused when I woke up in the cold just now after coming back from Tap Mun. This feeling called 失落 in Mandarin. Guess I was expecting to meet the peeps from ICM for one last time, then Evelyn or the guys. Was still processing what was said last night too. Dragged my feet to Streams of Praise conference alone while trying not to feel lonely.  Okay so this is the back story. Today's message is a very simple one which everyone needs to hear but probably finds it trite. Father loves you. Our Father God loves us. Such a wave of goodness and love washed over me just now, even as I knew that my heart was wavering. His love is so so great, I can't even :') The conference was in Chinese/Cantonese and somehow these verses in Chinese spoke so deeply to me.  "神 啊 ， 你 的 意 念 向 我 何 等 宝 贵 ！ 其 数 何...

The transformation was complete when I added the green sash to my Nepalese outfit. I was ready to be open and friendly like my friends were.  It was an awesome awesome night. Singing Angels We Have Heard on High, dancing freestyle mimicking the other two's graceful movements, laughing with Adarsh. Just basking in the joy of Christmas, singing Gloria in excelsis Deo and meaning every single line. There is just so much to give thanks and praise to God for. Thank You once again for this Christmas which reminds us of how Your great salvation was in the form of a baby. Jesus, Son of God deigns to step down from His heavenly throne to dwell among sinful man. For this reason, my soul shouts: Alleluia!  I felt so free just dancing like that, enjoying my body, enjoying my movements, enjoying the attention, and the flow between those dancing. Never felt like this before. This must be a bit of what Heaven feels like, no barriers and no strangers. Praise God for the glorious...

It is almost a need to bake or make something sweet, at least once a month. But given that I can't get my hands on an oven here, I had to be creative. What I've made over these 3 plus months: Steamed matcha cake, with a rice cooker! Coconut kaya on an induction cooker. 2.5 hours stirring the mixture non-stop. But the results were well worth it. For those that are yet to be enlightened on the beauty of kaya, it is a coconut spread found in SEA! We use it as a bread spread. White chocolate peanut butter bars <3 They were Abby's and my contribution to the Christmas potluck at IBC and they were gone by midway of the potluck. Loving those swirls that glams up the entire look, plus they are so easy to make! Parfait pie. Made them today and it basically just involved melting, mixing and processing. Easy peasy. Now for the recipes! Steamed Matcha Cake (Adapted largely from here) 2 cups AP flour 6 tablespoons matcha powder 4 teaspoons baking ...