Commencement // Project Masterpiece
With my own commencement this Monday night, graduation suddenly becomes official (I have made a clear promise to myself not to take advantage of student card discounts anymore), which also means the imminence of work. I was reminded of it just now and I almost couldn't bear to think of how my life will be so drastically changed. Will I be jaded and cease to believe in why I started on the social work journey in the first place? Will I lose precious people because the times where we are brought together that are taken for granted have ended?
I had actually wrote down in my journal a few things I hoped to come to a resolution to on 14 May (the date is there because I have came back frequently to that entry over these 2 months). But I guess God used the experiences of these past 2 months to surface the fact that there are so many other issues within me. Like how avoidant I am when it comes to emotions sometimes, wilful, and so inadequate at dealing with certain things (and that's a good realisation because I appreciate community where Truth is reflected more now). Well I also want to write that I wanted to come to a comfortable resolution about/with Pi. Things are both easier and harder depending on what mood I wake up in in the morning- but always always, the call to trust and to discipleship.And also with my uncle. It is a legit struggle I have to bring myself to share my whereabouts/updates with him precisely because he wants to know, and I feel so reluctant to do that even though we are family. Sounds childish?
Another thing I wanted to write in this post is what happened on Monday. We were frantically rushing to make the bouquets before our own ceremony, and that was the moment I was really stressed. Because I knew, my parents would come early, and if I am late (which I was), Mum would be really angry. And they'd say that I place my friends before them and that they were not important in my eyes. Which is an oft-repeated refrain which cuts my heart every time I hear it both because there might be some truth in it (in times such as these, my friends are really much more lovable and understanding), and also because in my heart I know that this is happening because we don't share the same ethos anymore.
Like what I said, both my parents and Project Masterpiece are important. I thought just now, perhaps this is a fitting end to ministry in NUS as a student, and a reminder before I start ministry as a working adult.
Thy faithfulness is great; bid me come and die to self.