Might or might not be published

That sense of restlessness has not left. Especially when I saw him last Saturday. And was there that gaze on me or am I mistaken?

So I prayed. Thank God I prayed. "Please help me to honour You amidst these feelings, to discern if they are sin unto You." My head (and part of my heart) tells me that I loathe to lift up my soul to another. But still, a mist exists in my heart, obscuring the 'highways to Zion' (Psalm 84:5) inside.

Below pulls together what I have found helpful:

1. From Uncle Tai Kok

He expounds from Song of Solomon, a very passionate description of lovers' love for each other. Specifically he chose Chapters 3 and 4. I quote 3:1

"Restless in bed and sleepless through the night, I longed for my lover. I wanted him desperately. His absence was painful." (MSG, emphasis added)

Below are directly words from his (very long) FB post:

The book reminds us of the length, breath and height of human love.

Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised. (Song of Solomon 8:6-7 ESV)


From that book I see that love is meant to be strong and passionate. But somehow, it still feels wrong whenever I have feelings for someone. Perhaps because my head is telling me: Remember how you forgot so-and-so after like 2 weeks? This is lust, not love. 

Oh yes, I think my question is how to distinguish between love and lust. The passages in Song of Solomon at least tell me that passion, even to what seems extreme, is not always lust. 

A very heartfelt article about the human condition that gnaws at every man's heart (quoting directly below):

It is perfectly normal to feel this way, even for a Christian.

Timothy Keller puts it perfectly: “Adam was lonely because he was like God, and therefore, since he was like God, he had to have someone to love, someone to work with, someone to talk to, someone to share with…Loneliness is the one problem you have because you’re made in the image of God”.

A call to abundant singlehood- but not discounting the unpleasant emotions that come with it (quoting directly below):

Yes, Jesus is our only hope and cure, but it won’t be in some hopelessly romantic, chocolate-covered, neatly-wrapped way.

But as much as God loves marriage, he didn't design it to bear the burden of our eternal purpose and happiness. From the beginning, it’s been a means of experiencing and expressing a far greater union — union with God, through his Son, by his Spirit.

On the Book of Ruth (quoting directly below)-

And there they are, ordinary people of sorrows and acquainted with grief, just trying to hold it together in Bethlehem at the beginning of barley harvest, completely unaware that God has assigned them roles in his Great Romance that people around the world would still be marveling at 3,000 years later.

So where are you in the real, living story God is telling? God is the great Romantic and all his children have roles that are far more significant than most of them know. But they are rarely romantic to experience at any given time.

Concluding, I have no concluding thoughts. But if anything, I feel more at peace with my feelings now. Guess I will publish this cos I actually benefit a lot from reading my old posts. The thing is I'll pay more attention when it is written by myself than other better writers.

17 MAR
5. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (Oh how could I have forgotten these beautiful verses)

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 

And in verse 8: 'Love never fails'. Somehow as I was typing and reading these verses I was reminded of Corrie ten Boom's first and only love. It was love at first sight but the man married another lady instead. At first she was devastated, but her wise father told her to commit these feelings to God who loves that man more than she can ever do so.