chronicles of young

Well I'm also happy for this part in my life too, though its really quite scary/tiring to experience barely controlled tears. How do you feel? The question I train myself to ask my clients, the same question that is so hard to answer. Both because its legit hard to describe feelings, and uncomfortable to answer. I sense that this time, there cannot be quick answers or resolutions to the tangle inside. 好像在和自己玩冒险游戏。But the irony is, this risk is to take with people. To make myself known , to give and to ( highlights ) receive . How to do that without getting burnt-out or self-centred is something that bewilders me. I just had a conversation with Mum about my menstrual cramps. 我的 team 现在很复杂 , I say as an explanation for the increased work stress cited as a reason for the cramps. Before I could continue, she jumped in to say 我的工作那边才复杂啊！ and proceeds to say more about her work.  When that happened I thought  Oh. This is how I feel unlistened to and it could re...

剪一片云拽着，纪念曾珍惜的， 就此远去了，但是心还悬着 怪怪的忧伤。而这歌词正唱出了心声。 Sometimes I reflect that social workers must either be superhuman, or robotic in order to function. To use the self as a professional, be fully congruent, yet not allow the self's experience and emotions to spill over. It is a wistful kind of sadness- delayed and projected grieves mingled with the joy of knowing these people and God. (Much as I can value independence and fun at the expense of others, my top primary goods are relationships and purpose okay.) Anyways, right after I typed this during lunch I had a session with a youth whom I basically said "Sorry social workers are not superhuman I can't read your thoughts" when he expressed that he sometimes wished I could just read his mind. And he complimented me twice: (1) For expressing how people cope with emotions through their own means even if it is a stupid way to others (e.g. self-harm), and (2) For being the first person to not focus on school, whi...

This morning I read a rabbi's commentary on Chiune Sugihara- The Japanese Man Who Saved 6,000 Jews With His Handwriting . Deep emotions that cannot be expressed in words welled up into tears as what this man did was stored in my heart, the same heart that knows it is far from such (if his deeds sprung from faith) prophetic imagination. He brings to mind a tree. And a tree has been planted in memory of him at the Yad Vashem Holocaust Museum so it is fitting. He brings to mind a verse. "He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers." (Psalms 1:3)

"May God bless you with a restless discomfort about easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart. May God bless you with holy anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may tirelessly work for justice, freedom, and peace among all people. May God bless you with the gift of tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, or the loss of all that they cherish, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy. May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you really can make a difference in this world, so that you are able, with God’s grace, to do what others claim cannot be done." 不是莫名的感动，而是因 神而感动。The past 3 days at The Oikos have been nostalgic, somewhat convicting but more reminding of my vision. Especially when B. excitedly reminded me that we had first met on the streets when ...

在飞云之下 我看着海峡 走月光沙滩 我也承认我还是会想他 且慢 前面听说风很大 在飞云之下 以为忘了的家 在耳里说话 叫我别烦心那些痛与怕 喔 半路上的我 穿上回忆和风沙 I was 30 mins late for work because I lost track of time venting through the pastels btw. There is really that delinquent side of me that screams F**K THIS ALL!!! some times. Yet, even as I started on this and reflected on how much better I felt- I could hear Mr Rogers' fatherly voice saying: Only you know how you are feeling and what you are thinking. You can talk about your feelings to people you love. 前面风很大，还没有比我的 神大。 23 Sep It would be a lie to say that I am good. My soul is affected by these happenings, though I am surprised that I am surprised at how these could ever happen. I broke on Monday when the sheer yearning for God's perfected kingdom combined with the deep realisation of how broken I am, how broken the team is, how broken the organisation is. That was a good beautiful kind of brokenness I guess. More often than not, the hardness of heart and pride wraps up the G...

I am glad that I have a really meaningful (not well-taken but whatever) photo of you. In the photo, you were looking on at L. pen down his response to: 'What is Man's purpose in life?" We were all wearing the camp shirt emblazoned with Romans 10:13-15. How beautiful is your feet! Thank you for your kind cheery heart that looks out for those on the fringes and seeks greater love amidst the strife. I am very sad, but also somewhat joyful too. You have brought people together like how you would have wanted and worked for. Father of compassion and God of all comfort, You have not left us orphans in the grief.  Even as I grief, not just for this dear child of Yours but also for mum's response this morning, it turns into something beautiful by faith.  Watch and wait and see, what is yet to be

One year old, and one year older, as I reflect on the week, I still very much like my job.  Definitely not the interpersonal stress part though that has taught me some. Maybe not the needing to lead and put thought into developing people, though that process has changed my beliefs and attitudes towards mentoring.  Definitely yes: The colleagues I can call friends, and not only that! Who willingly take photos like the above because they know my irrelevance and roll with it.  But still, a belated reply to my colleague who asked earnestly: How do you always stay happy? I see you always look so happy in the office.   When she asked that I just came out of my 3rd engagement in 3 hours so I was zonked and couldn't manage a decent reply. (So I became irrelevant hahaha) Now that I think about the answer, it is quite funny that I thought of myself as more moody/emo. I was really surprised when a good friend described me as optimistic slightly m...