A realisation again as I was in the prayer meeting: I am constantly in that state of not being sure whether God will save. This posture of seeing that God can not extend salvation to people. Because as I was praying for the new students the fact that it is only God who saves was so evident. What can I say? This is my God. The sovereign God. He is mighty to save, His love endures forever, and He is good. At the same time, there are people whose hearts He hardens. There are times when He is not present, His hand too short to save. There are times when His presence is withdrawn from His people. But God, I know you. I know that you love us- the scarlet thread of love woven throughout the Bible.

Whether he knows or not does not matter. What matters is that I guard my heart and he also guards his. 

Wrote this in Mongolia this June. Two more weeks before the end of my second last semester, so in a reflective mood. And also bcos I left the house in haste this morn and forgot to bring a book so am just left in a quiet classroom with Aaron doing his work.  Looking back I think the fear is mostly gone.  Some of it is still there... But experience and the Word have shown me vividly that God is love. God is love. How great is that. For our good and for Your glory do You work. So thank You my Father. 

The second part, well I think we have been doing it quite well. But I would admit  that sometimes I wonder if I'm being congruent. Mostly yes I guess but perhaps it's because I don't really want to really feel how I feel. Thinking about it is fine. (I wonder what's my MBTI now, have I changed?) I'm pretty contented with the current status :>

Talking about change, people have told me that I have. Become happier. And I would like to think my sense of humor has increased heh. Becoming quite a troll to some people especially yen yen haha. Guess that flows from a deep joy. The exhilaration of seeing His hand and His ministry and people who are for God. Ribuan terima kasih Tuhan.

Hello to you who are reading this in the valley (mostly to myself when I reread this heh) - even in the valley He is faithful...  I pray that the eyes of your heart will be opened to see the hope to which you are called and His incomparably great power for us who believe.