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Feeling sonder again. 这次不是伤悲，而是比较positive. (Strange eh, I start blogging in such a rojak way only in a foreign land)
sonder n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.
The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows
12 more days. Before I end a chapter of my life in Hong Kong, and go back to Singapore. My mind automatically added to "face the shit in Singapore".
Honestly am feeling quite apprehensive. Dust from old things I thought were buried in the past for good stirred up as I tried to prep myself emotionally for termination in HK. Because my latest physical memories were like 4 months back and this feels so long ago. Ages ago, when I was another me. I feel strange seeing Kang in those memories now, like I have changed so much. I have changed for sure. I have changed and I have gotten use to this place. And I have made such delightful relationships here. I hate to say goodbye.
Guess I am also not entirely sure if I will have the same community I have built in the short time her back home (this feels more like home). I'm talking about church. At Island Baptist Church I feel so comfortable, much more so then after 3 plus years in Glory. Sure, I have people I'm closer to in Glory but the warmth felt in Glory in general is somewhat lukewarm, to put it bluntly. I am probably afraid of dreading church and feeling discouraged- don't want to go back to asking myself why am I up at freaking 5.30am from my warm bed to go to a cold church.
The next semester is going to be challenging too, balancing internship at Rainbow Centre with school. But I look forward to practicing social work :) Ini masa bagi gulung lengan baju. Just a bit sad that my two dear friends won't be there. But creating new memories in foreign lands like I am now!
Aku terima kasih kepada Tuhan kerana tak ada penyesalan atau perasaan tergantung. Walaupun aku tahu bagaimana dia merasakan, aku akan tetap senyap. Senyum mengucapkan selamat tinggal lebih baik.
Hong Kong. HK. His Kingdom. I think I have seen His kingdom come more clearly here these 3 plus months. Because I have also rejected this same kingdom here. Grace has indeed found me, again and again. Alleluia.