The first post of 2011

Its 2011. Frankly, in my usual meek manner, I'm kinda apprehensive of what this year might bring. New school, new environment, new challenges.

One of my key personal challenge is showing my true colours, as I have discovered today. Am I scared of how people may perceive me? I guess so. I'm scared that they may think that I'm all nice, and yet I'm worried about them thinking I'm cold and nonchalant towards people.

So now, even if its on a blog that hardly anyone comes, I want to lay myself bare.

1. I care. Seriously. I just have conflicting issues within me that made me decide that distancing myself is the best solution. Maybe this is how I show that I care, because I'm scared of what I harm I will do if I am too close to certain people.

2. I want action, action to save this hurting world, as Billy Graham says. To save the oppressed, to help the hurting, to defend the defenseless. And yet I feel like a tiny being, and I just don't know what to do. Can I have fun? Can I wait? I have no idea.

3. I am actually quite cynical, or judgmental, whatever. One of the reasons I don't want to get too close to some people.

4. I know not my heart, it is full of contradictions

5. I know not the purpose of what I'm doing. Maybe I'm trying to get to know who I am. Yeah, this kind of solemn reflection usually stems from this.

2011. Let it be, then. I shouldn't worry my life away, thinking of the future I can never control, the past I can never change no matter what.

May this be a fruitful year!


kang said…
okay. this post seems kinda crappy now. oops. totally in a different mood now. :)
Wish you all the best for 2011!