Indomitable Joy

Part I 

"Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing" (2 Cor 6:10)

A verse that came to mind these recent days. From one understanding to another understanding, I believe I am growing to see and embrace what it means. Even though it is my weak fleshly state that causes me to sorrow at times, or not rejoice or be sorrowful at other times. Yet by God's grace, from understanding to understanding. 

You have surely bottled up our tears, Lord. Why would You delight in us, even our tinged attempts to pursue good? Only because You are good, and Your steadfast love is indeed better than life. 

In the small moments of providence, Your love shines through.. You are very cool indeed, God. This seemingly random pic of the tissue provided at Penny's is an example. I was angry and upset, but You reminded and stirred up my affectionate side through this. And in that split moment, I felt like I could forgive all things, bear all things, be willing to lay down myself. And that joy in it. 

Part II

Looking at the titles of my 2022 posts, I was reminded how I wanted to write about how I kinda stopped dreaming and being eager to catch Your vision. You used Kdrama which I binge-watched to show me, how cool is that?! As I watched Twenty- Five Twenty-One, I was reminded of my lethargy in pursuing my vision. Or rather, what is my vision anymore?

And there was that sense of feeling that I'm very lame, or grief. I cried, almost uncontrollably. It was a beautiful moment, thinking back on it. I am glad. 

Yet I know I haven't stopped wanting to make a difference. I guess, the fire is damped down by fear of emotional storms (which I have much experience of, haha) and.. fear of losing my life I guess. My life as in the comfortable, stable life. Jesus' pronouncement comes to mind: "whoever loses his life fo rme will save it" (Luke 9:23). 

The final crazy uni year was a good one, God. Looking back, I had so much fun amidst the anxiety, stress, weariness, heartache, anger, the range of emotions that I felt even as I was a bit emotionally repressed back that. It was so much fun- I recall Hee Do's smile as she said this in 25-21 about fencing, her dream. 

I thank You that I continue to catch that, Lord. It is so much fun adventuring with You <3