I truly thank God for this in-between season as I look ahead toward the new chapter of my life even as I prepare my heart to leave. Abba, You really do have a sense of humour. I had this mindset to wrap things up and press the reset button like I did 4 years ago, but You showed me otherwise.

I asked for an end in my subconscious when faced with such brokenness and evil at work- seemingly more in recent months as I prepare to leave. My heart sighs and breaks at relationships not reconciled, children in lack, and youths seeking intimacy and significance in broken ways. Grief is uncomfortable. And You remind me that I have a calling as a prophet- to see, to grief, and then point to hope (Brueggemann, 2014).

I was readying myself for farewells and the inevitable (?) drifting of friendships- yet I'd grown deeper in friendships with young ones and those already in my life. Used to think that I'm not really a people person; but I guess 2019 is showing me otherwise.

I was (am) looking forward to adventures, tramping around by myself and having new experiences with people from different cultures. I guess that's okay, the wonder and curiosity are gifts from God. Yet I am confronted with my childishness and self-centredness, where I resist thinking about things that require sacrifice/commitment.

Do wonder what's yonder in Your calling for me, and still my heart is filled with thankfulness.

Song in my head //Hymns are great:

Guide me, O Thou great Jehovah,
Pilgrim through this barren land;
I am weak, but Thou art mighty,
Hold me with Thy pow’rful hand.
Bread of heaven, Bread of heaven,
Feed me till I want no more;

Open now the crystal fountain,
Whence the healing stream doth flow;
Let the fire and cloudy pillar
Lead me all my journey through.
Strong Deliv’rer, strong Deliv’rer,
Be Thou still my Strength and Shield;

When I tread the verge of Jordan,
Bid my anxious fears subside;
Death of death and hell’s Destruction,
Land me safe on Canaan’s side.
Songs of praises, songs of praises,
I will ever give to Thee;
I will ever give to Thee.

(William Williams)