It is 12.02am and I need to be awake in less than 5.5 hours' time. And I should probably be thinking practically what I have to do for my role as Outreach Coordinator so I can have something to share with my Exco and OCs working with me. Or the fact that I am going to meet NKF to talk about research for my Honours thesis this Friday. But no. I want to write about prayer, how it spoke to me today, even as I prayed.

I was asked to pray to close after the segment on ministries in the residences. The significance of that prayer for me was the reaffirmation and genuine faith that God is omniscient, and having that vision on how it looks like for our ministry. We see things only as we are experiencing them (even history is socially constructed based on our own interpretations that is in turn influenced by our backgrounds/values/beliefs), and we don't even see them fully. We are so limited in our sight. Not knowing what lies ahead, I somehow also saw that God uses each of the people He has placed in leadership roles and other roles to work all things for good.

Again, after the individual handover I was asked to pray. Again I get this sense of peace. It engulfed the fears of implementation, knowing my weakness in relating and seeking harmony/agreeableness and time with my family just as they sprouted up- it was the sense of peace that surpasses all understanding. And so I was really genuinely thankful for prayer, that golden moment of delighting in it as a privilege. Praising God for this means of access to Him. And I saw that tensions will always be there, just because we live in a broken world.

Tensions between broken people (beautifully redeemed though we are), tension between doing things ourselves or enabling/empowering and I guess very prominently the tension of this human concept called TIME.
I've been asking God, You who created the 24 hours of each day- is it right to ask why there is no time? Or should we change the ways we do some things? No answer.

But Abba Father, Jehovah Shalom (Lord is Peace), Jehovah Rapha (the Lord that heals)- these names and more are what You have revealed to us about who exactly You are.And when I prayed these were brought to mind, and it was my strength and hope. Your name, is a sturdy bulwark.

I am actually not typing very much sense at this point so yes, I really need to sleep. It was a good day :)

8 hours later // Being Prayed For
Am now carving out that space for myself away from my friends now- and I need that space (reminder not to be conscious about that).

So I was being prayed for by a succession of people which I felt was significant. Starting from Sabrina who interrupted my thoughts and suspended state of mind + emotions coming together. To be honest I was a bit peeved because I was in that almost-comfortable state. No actually quite comfortable. And then after that, with the exception of Esther because I was already expecting to be prayed for by Tong I was slightly peeved at being broken from my own state of mind to be prayed for. Well I think that is significant because as they prayed and I thought about it, I tend to want to hide. Although I put myself out there, for spiritual matters I think I am less open- though no less vulnerable. It might be an unconscious thing.

So anyway, starting from Sarah the succession of prayers really felt like God speaking to me in a very clear way because these things were already in my heart. Sarah prayed holding both my hands, and I was just thinking as she prayed that this is like the very real bond between Christians in the Spirit that perhaps I have never really experienced? (Oh dear I am losing that feeling and consequently what I wanted to remember). Oh yes. It is the joining. Allowing one's heart to be joined to another's in a way so intimate it is scary. She started by saying that she did not know me very well. Then she prayed, and Ecclesiastes 3:11 was prayed "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.".And then the end, she just hugged me and prayed that God's love will engulf me. And I was thinking and feeling it that this is what I need. Even though I might not always see that need in myself.

Esther. Hers was clearly a prophecy because when she said it I was like yes. This is it. I do not do not want to be shaken in my belief. What she said was that I might see Christianity and Christians in a different way than how I think it should be and how I think it to be- and I will be shaken. I am reminded that nothing pains me and shakes me more than Christians not doing the things they should be doing, Christians doing the things they should not be doing. And Christianity. I always want to see that unity in what Christianity is- and I still believe and think that there is unity in what we see. Also about supporting Elijah. Hmm. I think I can see why she prayed that.

Tong. His was the prayer that moved me and got me teary.. First the childlike faith. Second the thankfulness for  me. About my gifts and how I impacted him and people around. I guess I know. But what I learnt from this process of being prayed for is that I am and I have been trying to hide this from myself, because I didn't really know how to acknowledge this without having that pride.And also, putting myself out. Because if I acknowledge this it means that these gifts will be used and that will be used by God. Which will definitely definitely lead me to places I have never seen myself, challenges that will be overwhelm me, things I do not want to see.

Okay back to people.