With my bear Bestie
I am going to present in the AGM in an hour's time and just did a quick run through but I still feel like I need to process my thoughts first.
Spent a long time on the poolside chair at Y Rooftop today- thinking, praying, sensing within myself.
I think it is also the many things that happened all at once that pushed me to just stop and think. I need space. It can be self-centred at first, this need, but in the end something comes through from God.
So today found out that:
- Agnes' cousin who had slipped into coma and the family needed to make a decision on whether to take her off life support.
- Belvia's friend whose mum had died after a brain tumour operation
- My intentions to serve, to journey with the committee I am working with has been misunderstood (I had vibes about it but I have been putting off confronting these feelings)
- The Pres is quite a nice person whom I can open up to (but I didn't really until the latter half of the lunch)
- I still have that feeling that God is going to put us together; which is 1/3 unsettling because I cannot see & this is a dangerous thing to hold on to and 2/3 gives me peace
- The song 'I Lived' sung by Glee cast is uber nice
Disparate thoughts I know- all rolling, converging in my mind as I sat on that poolside chair. At the back of my mind I was musing that the ang moh swimming must think I'm on high tension.
Anyway, what I felt I heard from God:
1. I should stop trying to hide- my capability, skills, works- to stop taking a keep-a-low-profile-approach to life but seek to be Christ.
- Rather than downplaying my success, I should downplay the importance of success and elevate the essentiality of being Christ.
2. For most part, I guess when there was a possibility of being hurt I will give lesser than 100% to avoid getting hurt. But now that I am pushing at 100, I am vulnerable. To be that sincere, to be that genuine, to be that open, to give what I have- that is scary.
3. But felt like God is empowering me for greater things, which needs that 100 that I am scared to give. So I asked for courage and empowerment of the Holy Spirit.
Pardon if I sound incoherent- just typing as I go along without really processing what has already been processed.