Adapted from the diary entry I made just now:
Only this week did I truly (or perhaps not really) see how attractive I am. When I wore contacts, everyone was commenting how pretty I looked it made me feel kinda uncomfortable. I don't really like it when guys look at girls differently because they have a pretty face. Well I admit I'm guilty of that too.
God gave me those pretty eyes and that winning look for a reason. So I think it's also sin to hate what He has sovereignly blessed me with.Well she does make people (especially guys) open up to me faster in social work. But I'm still scared by how she can cause me or others to fall into sin. Guys taking too long a look, me looking too long at pictures of this earthly self, or feeling proud.
I pray earnestly (as earnest as my heart distracted by evil desires can) that I will glorify God and not sin against Him. Or cause others to sin against Him. It's a struggle to set my mind on things above and not on earthly things (Colossians 3:2) when the youths take to me and I am kinda in their world.
"For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?" 1 Corinthians 4:7
I have received many blessings. Help me to be humble, to seek Your Person and not the things that You give so graciously O Lord. I just received news that I got into the Dean's List. It feels like a dream I never bothered thinking about because I thought it was beyond me. And I have such awesome work which I am good at, awesome colleagues who think well of me. Baking vegan cupcakes for my 20th birthday fundraiser which is going well. I get praise from people because of this. I have quite a few stuff going on which I find meaning in that makes makes my resume look good.
Well, on the other side of the coin, I have some griefs too. Whether I let myself retreat into the ivory tower called Convenient Amnesia Amidst Daily Life is another question. Perhaps that is why, by God's good sovereignty, I have periodic lows of doubting and sadness. And friends who are so against Christ. Family who have yet to come other Christ's grace, a brother whom I scarcely have a normal conversation with anymore. Or sometimes I feel so lonely and unliked, unattractive both on the inside and outside.
Indeed God's sovereignty encompasses our weaknesses, such that we can be Christ-like even with them. By His great grace can we even want to continue to partake of the 'free gift of the water of life' (Rev 22:17). It is hence fitting that the last verse in the Bible is
"The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God's people. Amen." (Rev 22:21)